She's the Devil
by starfalls
Summary: It’s Halloween 1980, and the gang takes an ill-fated trip to a party that leads to some major revelations between Jackie and Hyde.
1. Part 1 of 2

Summary: It's Halloween 1980, and the gang takes an ill-fated trip to a party that leads to some major revelations between Jackie and Hyde.

Disclaimer: I don't own _That '70s Show_ or anything pertaining to it. If I did, it would have ended differently and I wouldn't have felt the need to write this.

**She's the Devil**

**Part 1 of 2**

* * *

_Friday, October 31__st__, 1980_

_Point Place, Wisconsin_

_Forman's Basement_

"What part of 'I don't want to participate in this conformist holiday by dressing up like a pansy and attending some lame college kid's party' don't you understand?" Hyde asked Eric and Donna, who had been attempting to persuade him to go to some lame-ass Halloween party for the past half hour.

"C'mon, Hyde, everyone's coming—"

"No, Donna, you and _the Professor_ over there just go on without me," Hyde said, motioning towards Eric, who was dressed as the Professor from _Gilligan's Island_. He turned to Donna. "And as hot as you look as Ginger, you can't convince me to put on _that thing_ on," he fervently told her, pointing to the costume she'd brought for him to wear.

She held up the bag she was holding. "But it's a pirate costume. Pirates are _cool_. They're into death and destruction. Don't you want to support death and destruction, Hyde?" Donna asked encouragingly.

Hyde raised an eyebrow. "That's the only costume they had at the store, wasn't it?"

"W-What? No…not at all…I picked this because it's cool and…uh…you're cool." She paused at his skeptic look. "Oh, alright, there wasn't much to choose from, but it wasn't the only costume there. I didn't think you'd want to be David Cassidy or Gilligan…"

"Of course not," Hyde scoffed. "If anyone should be Gilligan, it's Forman."

"Hey!" Eric cried in outrage. "Why should I be Gilligan? I think I look suave as the Professor."

"Forman, you're not cool enough to be the Professor, you're too twitchy," Hyde told his friend bluntly. Then he shook his head. "Look, none of this matters because I'm not going to the damn party."

"But the whole gang is going and it won't be the same without you," Donna complained. "Please, Hyde, I wanted us all to go out and have fun like we used to. Eric and I have missed everyone since we've been going to school at Madison. We came back this weekend especially for this."

Hyde groaned as he watched Donna make her best sad face. "You're not guilt-tripping me into this!" he insisted.

"Hyde, this means a lot to Donna," Eric reasoned. He then screwed up his face to what he apparently thought was a stern expression. "So suck it up and put the damn costume on before I _make_ you."

Hyde was surprised by the authority in his unmanly friend's voice. "That Professor costume come with balls Forman?" he asked, leaning forward. "You know, I'd really like to see you _try_ and _make_ me."

Eric backed off with his hands in the air. "Look, man, the party might not be all bad…I mean, there'll be free booze. You like free booze, right?" he asked nervously, having lost his earlier confidence.

Hyde swore under his breath. "I don't want to dress up just so I can get into some lame party."

"It's not some lame party," Eric stated defensively. "There's also going to be a haunted mansion next door and lots of free candy…_Okay, I'm not making a good case, am I?_"

"Whatever, Forman," Hyde said dismissively. "Just count me out."

Donna put her hands on her hips and looked as if she was about to strike. _Crap. That can't be good…_

"So, you're refusing to go even though you know how important this is to me?" she questioned dangerously.

"Yep."

"Then you leave me no choice."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you think Mrs. Forman would be interested in knowing what happened to her alcohol stash on the Fourth of July?"

Hyde narrowed his eyes. "You _wouldn't_…"

She gave him a smug look.

"_Damnit_," he muttered before roughly seizing the pirate costume from her and stomping back to his room to change.

* * *

_5 minutes later_…

"This is ridiculous. I look like I should be on the cover of a trashy romance novel," Hyde grumbled as he emerged from his room wearing the pirate costume, complete with a ruffled shirt and a large black hat with a feather sticking out of it.

Donna and Eric both seemed to be trying not to laugh.

"No, Hyde, that's not it. You look…roguishly handsome," Donna valiantly managed with a straight face.

Eric nodded his head with a bit too much enthusiasm. "Yeah, you look like a tough-guy pirate whose about to serve out some death and destruction. No one's going to mistake you for the cover of a romance novel..."

"HEY GUYS!" came the loud voice of Kelso as he entered through the basement door with Fez trailing behind him, putting a stop to Eric and Donna's attempt to soothe Hyde's costume woes.

"Donna! You look majorly HOT as Ginger!" exclaimed Kelso, who was dressed as Zorro. He stopped when he caught sight of Hyde. "Whoa, Hyde! What a costume!"

"Yeah," Fez broke in, "You remind me of the cover of the latest romance novel I'm reading."

Hyde stared at Fez.

"That's it! I'm not going!" he hollered and started off to his room.

Donna stepped in front of him, effectively blocking his way.

"Donna, get out of the way!"

She gave him a falsely cheerful look. "Sure, Hyde, I'd be glad to…and right afterwards I have something very important to tell Mrs. Forman."

_Crap._ "It's times like these I really wish I hit girls," he said bitterly before he turned back around to face Kelso and Fez.

"Fez, what the hell are you wearing, man?" he asked after taking a good look at his costume. "You look like the Chiquita Banana."

It was true. Fez had on a very ruffled-up dress, high-heels, and some strange flowery thing on his head.

"I am _not_ the Chiquita Banana," Fez scoffed indignantly. "I am a flamenco dancer."

Hyde, Donna, and Eric all exchanged looks.

"_Fez,_" Eric pronounced slowly. "You know that's a woman's costume, right?"

"Of course I know that," Fez said, waving Eric's concern aside. "But the store was all sold out of men's costumes. Fenton, that _sonofabitch_, bought the last David Cassidy outfit."

"See, Hyde? Being a pirate isn't that bad. You could have had it a lot worse," Donna told him, motioning towards Fez.

Hyde glared at her.

"Hey, what about me? Am I a major stud or what in this Zorro costume?" Kelso asked as he tried and failed to pull his sword from his belt. "What the hell…How come it won't come out…"

Hyde rolled his eyes as he watched his dim-witted friend struggle in vain to pull his sword out. "Who in their right mind thought it would be a good idea to sell Kelso a sword? He's just going to end up poking his eye out…"

"GOT IT!" Kelso cried, haphazardly pulling his sword out and poking Hyde's forearm in the process.

"_Ow!_ Moron, watch where you point that thing!" he yelled before frogging Kelso on the arm and turning his Zorro mask to the side so it covered his eyes.

"_Ow!_ _Damn, Hyde_, it was an accident!" Kelso yelled back, rubbing his arm. "Hey…How come I can't see anything? I'M BLIND!"

Eric sighed wearily. "I see tonight has gotten off to a wonderful start," he sarcastically commented.

"Yeah. Whose great idea was this again?" Hyde added with equal sarcasm. "_Donna?_"

Donna threw her hands up in exasperation. "The party sounded like a good idea when I heard about it!"

"Does that mean we can forget about the party?" Hyde asked hopefully.

"NO!" Donna barked, causing Hyde to take a step back. "We're all going to this party tonight if it's the last thing I do! I don't care if Kelso kills himself with his sword! We're ALL going!"

_Man, that chick is scary when she wants to be…_

"Guys! Doesn't anybody care that I'm BLIND?" Kelso whined, flailing about the room and dangerously pointing his sword about.

"Stop waving that sword around and come here you stupid _sonofabitch_," Fez ordered. "You're not blind, you just have to move the mask," he explained to Kelso as he did the job for him.

Kelso looked around in disbelief once his sight was returned to him. "Whoa! That's crazy! It's like one second I couldn't see and the next I could!"

Hyde put his hand on Kelso's shoulder and sighed. "Kelso, you're the King."

Eric rolled his eyes and began to fidget. "Can we leave now? I don't know about everyone else, but I don't want be killed by Kelso's sword and the longer we stay here that's looking like a real possibility…"

"Eric, I wouldn't kill you," Kelso said, swinging his sword in Eric's direction and narrowly missing his head. "I might accidentally stab you, but I definitely wouldn't kill you…"

"What about Jackie?" Hyde suddenly found himself asking. "Isn't she coming?"

Donna turned and gave him a shrewd look. "Yeah, she's coming. _Why?_ Were you worried she wasn't?" she inquired with a smug expression.

Man, she was really getting on his nerves today. "Of course not," he retorted. "If anything, I was hoping she wouldn't come. It'd save me a headache from her piercing voice."

Donna folded her arms and gave him a look that clearly said she didn't believe him.

Eric appeared upset at the news Jackie would be joining them. "_Crap._ We have to wait for Jackie? We can't leave without her?" Donna gave him a look that answered his question. "_Fine,_" he whined. "But you'd think she wouldn't want to hang out with _three_ of her ex-boyfriends…"

Fez shot Eric a dirty look. "Eric! You bastard! Way to thrown my tragic relationship with Jackie in my face! You have no sensitivity!"

Eric looked at his foreign friend in surprise.

"Fez, she broke up with you in January after two weeks of dating. You should really be over it by now," Hyde pointed out. "The _tragic_ part is that you barely had a relationship."

Fez switched his dirty look from Eric to Hyde. "Nobody asked for your bastard opinion. We all recover at our own pace," he snapped.

"Whatever," Hyde grumbled, giving up. He looked around the room. "Speaking of that shrilly ninety-five pound brunette, where the hell is she? Do you think she OD'd on hairspray?"

"She's the devil," Eric responded in a deadly serious voice. "She's probably off plotting some evil plan right now."

As if on cue, the basement door swung open, and in entered the one and only Jackie Burkhart wearing a red devil costume with shiny red horns and a long pitchfork to match.

"Hey, everyone!" she greeted cheerfully.

Hyde couldn't take his eyes off her. Damn, that little red devil dress was…_badass._

"I TOLD YOU SHE'S THE DEVIL!" Eric shouted, pointing at her.

"Yeah, but she's one HOT devil!" Kelso whooped. "DAMN, JACKIE! How come you never looked this good when we were together?"

"Yes, Jackie, how come you didn't dress like that when we were together?" Fez asked. "In fact, why did you have to dump me only to torture me with the delicious sight of you in that outfit? You look better than candy…"

"Thanks guys," Jackie said, tossing her hair back and striking a pose. She grinned when Kelso and Fez practically melted from lust. She then turned her attention to Hyde, looking him up and down.

Eric looked around wildly. "Is no on paying attention to what's happening? She's THE DEVIL!"

Jackie scowled at him. "Shut up, Eric, or I'll beat you with my pitch fork!" she threatened.

Hyde smirked as Eric cowered from the petite girl but continued to mouth "_She's the devil_" silently. "See, Forman? _This_ is why you aren't cool enough to be the Professor."

"Eric's supposed to be _the Professor?_" Jackie asked, making a face. She turned to Eric. "If anything, you should be Gilligan. You're both girly men who are easily frightened by loud noises."

Eric's jaw dropped. "I-I…That's ridiculous…I am not easily frightened—"

"She has a point, Forman," Hyde broke in, cutting off whatever feeble denial his friend was about to make.

Jackie smiled at him (to which Hyde winked).

Eric gave him an annoyed expression (to which Hyde grinned). "Is everyone ready to go to the party now?" Eric asked in a strained tone.

"Give me a minute," Hyde ordered. He retreated to his room before promptly coming back out. "Now I'm ready," he announced, grinning.

"You're going to wear your _sunglasses_ with a pirate costume?" Donna asked, incredulous.

"Shut up, Donna! He's a _Zen_ pirate," Jackie told her, earning an appreciative nod from Hyde.

"Whatever," Donna muttered, rolling her eyes.

"So are we hitting up this party, or what?" Kelso asked, twirling his sword above his head. "Cuz I'm feeling pretty foxy in this Zorro outfit and I want to show the chicks my fancy sword moves…_Oops!_" There was a loud _crash!_ as Kelso lost his grip on the sword and it went flying across the room. "I'll…uh…just go get that…"

Everyone shook their heads as Kelso went to retrieve his fallen sword.

"_Actually,_" Donna said as she looked at her watch, "despite all the crap that's gone on here tonight. We're running early. We don't need to leave for another half hour."

Everyone groaned.

"What are we going to do?" Eric asked.

Hyde grinned.

* * *

_30 minutes later…_

The entire gang was in circular formation sporting huge, cheesy grins…except for Jackie. Jackie was sitting in the circle with her make-up compact out and appeared to be very busy admiring herself in the mirror.

"Whoa! It's been forever since I've done a circle," Eric remarked in an awed voice. "I almost forgot what it was like…of course I never completely remember the circle once I'm out of the circle. It's strange…like I'm not thinking clearly, you know?" He paused. "Wait…what was I saying again?"

Donna was caught up observing her own hands. "I forgot how huge my hands are!" She then began moving her hands to and from her face. "Look! I can make them shrink and then get bigger! I should be in the _Guinness Book of World Records!_"

Kelso turned to look Donna up and down. "You know, Donna, you're looking pretty hot in that Ginger outfit. How would you feel about hooking up with Zorro? I could show you my sword…_Aah!_" Kelso went crashing to the floor after Donna covered his face with her hands and pushed him off his hair. "Donna, you gotta be careful with those huge hands!"

Fez was clutching a bag while looking guilty and throwing suspicious glances at the group. "I have no candy! There is no candy in the bag! I did not go trick or treating earlier! I have no idea what you're talking about!" Fez's paranoia seemed to increase. "I will not give you the bag! It's my EMPTY bag with NO candy!"

Hyde glanced at Fez. "You need to calm down, my foreign friend. Like me. I'm always calm. Nothing can shake me. Not even a damn pirate costume that looks like the cover of a romance novel. Nah. I'm calm. I'm a Zen pirate. Know why? It's the sunglasses. Soon as I put on the shades…everything's darker, man. It's _amazing._"

Silence.

"_Ahem_" a number of the circle-dwellers coughed.

Jackie lazily looked up away from her compact. "Oh. Is it my turn?" She paused. "This is lame," she announced, causing some confused looks. "When you don't smoke it the circle, it's totally lame. You guys don't realize how stupid you all sound. I mean, what the hell are you all talking about? You don't make any sense. There's no way I ever sounded as stupid as you people! Really, it's embarrassing." She stopped for a second before adding, "And Fez, _everybody knows_ you have candy in the bag…"

Stunned Silence ensued…

…followed by complete chaos.

"_Eek!_ What are you doing? Stop throwing candy at me!"

"Devil begone! Spew your evil wrath elsewhere!"

"Boo! Get out of the circle!"

"You can stay in the circle if you strip! DAMN, you're HOT in that costume!"

"No! I agree with the devil! Stop throwing my candy at her!"

"No clear-headed thoughts allowed! I hereby banish you from the circle!"

Once Jackie exited amid numerous pieces of Fez's candy being thrown at her, the circle resumed.

Eric had a thoughtful expression. "See how peaceful it is without Jackie? It's like Darth Vader has left. The evil has lifted! Man, I'm telling you, she's the devil—"

"MORONS! JUST BECAUSE I LEFT THE CIRCLE DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" came Jackie's distinctive, shrill voice from the other side of the room.

Hyde put his head in his hands. "Man, I think I'm getting that headache now."

"AND I SUGGEST YOU MOVE YOUR LAZY BUTTS! IT'S TIME TO GO!"

All the circle members groaned in protest.

"I SAID MOVE IT! DO I HAVE TO GET MY PITCHFORK?"

Their lazy butts were gone directly…

* * *

_1 hour later…_

_Somewhere Between Point Place and Kenosha_

"Someone please explain to me again how Jackie ended up driving Kelso's van?" Eric asked.

"I already told you, Eric," Donna sighed. "Because she's the only one of us who didn't participate in the circle…_at least not the way you're supposed to participate in the circle_."

"Yeah, well, even in our more mellow state, I think any of us are more capable of driving than Jackie," Eric argued. "I mean, is she _trying_ to hit every pothole from Point Place to Kenosha? Seriously, her driving skills are slim to…_Hey!_" Eric cried out when Jackie swerved the van erratically. "_See!_ That's exactly what I'm talking about! I was almost propelled into Kelso's sword!"

"Sorry, Eric," Jackie said, not sounding sorry at all, "but maybe you should consider NOT talking about me when I'm driving!"

Hyde looked at his friend, who was about to open that big, girlish mouth of his, and frogged him on the shoulder.

"_Ow!_ What the hell?"

"Forman, it'd be best for all of us if you keep your trap shut," he advised him. "If you keep pissing Jackie off, you're likely to get us all killed. So just chill and let her concentrate."

Hyde turned away, but Eric seemed to have the inability to do what he was told and keep his trap shut. "You're siding with _the devil? _How could you? She's the…_Holy crap! Are you trying to tip over the van?_" Jackie had swerved the van in a very dangerous fashion.

"Forman! What did I tell you? If we all die at the hands of a pissed-off former cheerleader, it'll be your fault!" Hyde seethed. "Now sit down and shut the hell up!"

"Whoa! Hyde's getting feisty!" Kelso exclaimed excitedly. "Let me know if there's going to be a fight! I have my sword right here…_Ow!_" Kelso was prevented from recklessly pulling out his sword when Hyde frogged him (yet again) on the arm.

Hyde was not in the mood to be trifled with. "Leave that sword right where it is! And you can sit down and shut the hell up too!" He looked around the van. "All of you sit down and shut the hell up!"

"What did _I _do?" asked an indignant Fez.

Hyde turned to look at Fez and slid his sunglasses down so he could look him in the eye. "_Fez?_ What did I _just say?_" he asked in a tone of warning.

Fez opened his mouth but promptly realized his mistake and quickly shut it. Scowling at Hyde, he began silently eating out of his bag of candy.

Satisfied, Hyde pushed his glasses back up and leaned back in his seat. The van had gone completely silent after his outburst. He chanced a glance towards Jackie.

Jackie quickly caught his eye in the rearview mirror and gave him a small, grateful smile. He nodded his head slightly in recognition.

"OH, HELL NO!" shouted an alarmed Eric, having noticed the exchange. Eric motioned wildly between Hyde and Jackie. "Something's going on between the two of you!"

"_What?_" both Hyde and Jackie responded at the same time, causing each to give the other a quick, searching look.

Eric caught the look. "See? Now I know something's going on between the two of you! I should have known! Hyde was defending you! What happened when I went away to Madison? You two were at each other's throats when I left!"

Hyde looked at his accusatory friend. "Forman, just because you're in the Professor costume doesn't mean you have the brains to back it up. You don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"Yeah, I told you that you should have been Gilligan. He was the clueless one," Jackie added from behind the wheel.

"Now you two are TEAMING UP together!" Eric cried. "You two are back together, _aren't you?_" he accused.

Fez, who had been absorbed with his candy for most of the exchange, was suddenly alert. "You two are back together? Jackie, how could you move on so soon after we broke up?" he asked with a hurt expression.

Jackie looked a bit bewildered. "Fez, we broke up over nine months ago. Plus, we barely dated," she said bluntly.

He huffed at her. "Fine! Be that way! Deny what we had! Go running back to the arms of Hyde! I'll eat my candy!"

"Hey, Jackie," Kelso chimed in, "If you and Hyde are back together, does that mean you won't be doing it with me? Because you are looking HOT in that costume and I was thinking we could do it in the haunted mansion—"

"_Eew,_ Michael. I know I'm super hot, but I am NOT going to do it with you," she told him, sounding positively disgusted with the idea. "And for the record ERIC," she said, glaring at the Professor-wannabe's reflection in the rearview mirror, "Steven and I are not back together."

Hyde turned to look at Eric. "_There_, Forman. Are you happy now? She confirmed it. We're not back together."

Eric gave him a suspicious look. "I don't know. Jackie is the devil. She's been known to lie before—"

"OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Donna bellowed, interrupting her boyfriend. She'd been silent throughout her friends' idiotic exchange but now appeared well past annoyed. "Who cares whether they're together or not? It's _their _business! If they are back together, then good for them. As long as they don't start going at it right in front of me, I don't care."

Everyone reflected surprise at Donna's outburst.

"Thanks, Donna," Jackie said in barely above a whisper. Donna smiled in return.

"Wait, wait, wait," Eric repeated, spreading his hands out in front of him. "Let me get this straight. You _don't care_ if they get back together? But she's breaking up the rhythm of the group! She keeps bouncing from one group member to another! The madness has to stop. I'm surprised she hasn't gone after me yet…_Hey! Don't start that again!_" He had been propelled forward by one of Jackie's risky swerves.

"_As if I would ever date you,_" Jackie spat. "You're Gilligan masquerading as the Professor. I'm way too pretty to even consider you as a viable option. As a matter of fact, _Donna_ is too good for you. She's Ginger…in a lumberjack-y way. Gilligan _could never_ get Ginger."

"But Gilligan _does have_ Ginger…No, wait…I'm the Professor…the Professor has Donna…I mean, Ginger…" Eric sputtered. Giving up on up the costume-analogy altogether, "What I'm trying to say is _I have Donna_."

"Yeah, but does that mean you deserve her? Does Gilligan _really deserve_ Ginger?"

Hyde noticed the dangerous gleam in Jackie's eyes and the building anger in Eric's face.

_Uh oh…_

"Forman, I think you should let it go," Hyde counseled.

Donna nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Eric, you're the Professor to me. Forget about it."

Eric did not heed the warnings. "At least I have Donna. What do you have? Three failed relationships and a devil costume. That devil costume's really perfect for you. It shows everyone just what you…_Stop swerving the car while I'm talking!_"

Jackie sharply turned the wheel back. "You don't like my costume, Eric? I guess I should have worn a wedding dress. I know that would scare you away! You could run all the way back to Africa like you did with Donna!"

"_Burrrrrrrnnnnn!_" Kelso roared, clearly not picking up on the heavy tension.

Eric ignored him. "Gee, Jackie, that'd work great in theory, but I'm not the one afraid of you in a wedding dress. Aren't you afraid you'll send Hyde running off to Vegas to marry another stripper?"

"_Burrrrrrrnnnnn!_" Kelso roared again, right before…

"_HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! TURN THE WHEEL BACK!_"

This time it wasn't only Eric who reacted to Jackie's reckless driving as they were tossed about the van…

"Oh my God! The van's gonna tip over!"

"I'm too good-looking to die!"

"I'm too young to die! I didn't even get to finish my box of candy!"

"This is what happens when you piss off former cheerleaders!"

The van _was_ dangerously close to tipping over, but Jackie threw her whole body onto the wheel and managed to right the van at the last possible second. A second after that, Jackie was pretending as if the whole near-death experience never happened.

"Sorry, sharp turn!" Jackie called back, nonchalantly flipping her hair as she continued driving.

The rest of the van passengers weren't so at ease…

"I love you, Donna. This near-death experience made me realize more than ever I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"

"I love you too, Eric, but you need to stop being an ass!"

"I knew I was too good-looking to die!"

"My candy is safe!"

Hyde sat in silence, his eyes toward Jackie. Leaning forward, "Hey, Jacks, are you alright?" he whispered.

"I'm fine," she replied, her voice shaking slightly.

"Do you want me to take over the wheel?"

"I said I'm fine," she repeated more firmly.

Hyde shrugged and leaned back in his seat, still watching her.

"_Ahem_," Eric coughed, clearing his throat.

"Forman, I really think this is a bad time—"

"It's alright," Donna assured. "It won't be life-threatening this time."

"_Ahem,_" Eric nervously coughed again.

Jackie glanced at him in the rearview mirror. "Eric, did your pride get caught in the back of your throat when you swallowed it, or do you have something to say?'

"I have something to say." He paused, looking uncomfortable. Jackie gave him an impatient scowl. "I-I wanted to say I'm sorry. After having a brief discussion here with Donna where she told me I was being an ass, I realized I may have indeed been an ass. What happens between you and Hyde is none of my business. I don't even want to think about what happens between you and Hyde…Oh no…Too late…_I'm thinking about it now_—"

"ERIC!" Jackie hollered, putting an end to Eric's traitorous thoughts. Eric looked at her nervously. She smiled. "Don't worry about it, Eric. I know you're socially-challenged, and I forgive you for it. Besides, the whole thing was way stupid. I look too pretty in a wedding dress to make anyone _really_ run away."

"You're not as hot as you look in that devil outfit though!" Kelso interjected. "Have I mentioned how HOT you look?"

Jackie rolled her eyes. "Yes, Michael."

"So, do you want to do it?"

"_No_, Michael!"

Silence.

"What about with me? Do you want to do it with me?"

"_What?_ Fez! No!"

Silence.

"I hate to follow after them—"

"Forman! You're not asking Jackie—"

"No! Hyde! Of course not!" Eric cried, looking horrified at the very idea.

"Then what is it?" Hyde questioned, sounding slightly suspicious.

"I just wanted to make sure everything is alright with Jackie…"

Silence.

"Yeah, Eric. Everything's alright," Jackie answered.

"Good."

Silence.

"So, there's _really _nothing going on between the two of you?" Eric asked. He threw up his hands as the rest of the van passengers glared at him. "Just curious! I'm not going to pass judgment. I just want to know. Is there really _nothing_ between you guys?"

Hyde glanced toward Jackie to see her reaction, but she continued to stare straight ahead. "Nah, man, there's nothing between us."

"Alright, I won't bring this up…_What the hell? I didn't say anything bad about you this time!_" Eric reacted as the car was brought to a sudden halt.

Jackie rolled her eyes. "We made it to the party."

"Thank God! I was beginning to think we'd never make it!" Eric cried in relief. He then realized he'd spoken out loud. "I mean…C'mon, Donna, let's exit the van…" Donna shrugged and followed him out.

Fez gathered up his flamenco dress and made to exit the van as well. "I'm following…just let me grab my candy…"

"I'm right behind you!" Kelso called.

"_Ow!_ Watch where you point your sword you _sonofabitch!_"

Hyde watched as the uncoordinated Zorro and Chiquita Banana knock-off exited the van. "Jackie, you coming?"

"Yeah, you go ahead. I'm just going to fix my make-up," she said, pulling out her compact.

Hyde observed her through his shades. "Is something wrong?"

"No. Nothing's wrong. _Nothing _at all," she answered, pronouncing the words with venom.

Hyde decided it would be in his best interest to hastily exit the van.

* * *

_5 minutes later…_

_Outside the Haunted Mansion_

"So are we _sure_ we want to go into the haunted mansion? Why don't we skip it and go straight to the party?" a nervous Eric asked as the gang stood outside the entrance of the haunted mansion.

"What's the matter, Gilligan? _Are you scared?_" Hyde goaded. He motioned towards Donna. "Don't worry. Ginger here will protect you."

"I'm _not_ scared," Eric protested, "and I'm _not_ Gilligan. I'm the Professor. How many times do we have to go over this?" Eric looked hesitantly toward the house. "I-It just doesn't look like fun..."

Donna shook her head at her boyfriend. "Look, we're going in the haunted mansion. I dragged everyone's butts here so we could all do something together, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you weasel out of this because you're _scared!_"

"I'm _not _scared."

"No worries, Eric," Kelso spoke with confidence as he clumsily drew his sword, "I'll protect you!" He swiped his sword around with no precision whatsoever, causing his friends to take turns ducking.

Fez clutched his candy protectively to his chest. "Kelso, why can't you keep your sword in your pants?"

Kelso turned to answer his foreign friend (almost stabbing him in the process). "You know, some chick said the exact same thing to me the other day! And that was before I even had a sword! Can you believe…_Ow! _Hyde! What'd you hit me for?"

Hyde took advantage of Kelso's current inability to raise his arm and grabbed the sword from him. "Forman's more likely to need protection _from you_ if you keep swinging this thing around! I'll give this back, but you have to put it away or I'll take it from you for good!" Against his better judgment, he handed Kelso back the sword.

"_Damn_, Hyde. You're no fun," Kelso grumbled, putting his sword away.

Fez resumed eating his candy following Kelso's attack. "Now that Hyde has valiantly saved us from Kelso's pointy object, can we go in the haunted mansion now?"

Ignoring the gross double-entendre of Fez's statement, Hyde looked around. "We can't. Jackie's not here."

"Jackie's not here!" Eric reiterated with far too much enthusiasm. "I mean…Jackie's not here. That's too bad," he said, trying (and failing) to sound disappointed. "Perhaps we should forget the haunted mansion. We can't go in without Jackie—"

"Hey, everyone!" came Jackie's pitchy voice as she sashayed into view with her devil horns and pitchfork.

"_Damn,_" Eric muttered.

"Sorry to make you wait. I got caught up staring at myself in the mirror. I'm amazed at my own beauty sometimes." She paused to flip her hair back in dramatic fashion. "Anyway, are we entering the haunted mansion, or what? The sooner we enter the sooner we can get it over with."

Donna threw up her hands. "Isn't anybody excited about this besides _me?_"

Eric put his arm around Donna's shoulders. "Donna, I'm excited about anything you're excited about."

"_Liar,_" Hyde coughed.

"I don't like haunted houses," Jackie flippantly told her. "They're all dark so no one can see me. How are people supposed to admire my outfit if they can't see me? Plus, all these ugly people jump out at you."

"I _was excited_ until Hyde made me put away my sword," Kelso pouted.

Hyde noticed Donna was looking at him. "Hey, I'm just here for the free booze when we hit the party later."

"I'm excited, Donna," Fez asserted as he dug down in his candy bag. "I've never been in a haunted mansion before. We don't have those in my country…_HEY! THAT'S MY CANDY YOU SONOFABITCH!_"

Everyone stood open-mouthed after some little kid whizzed by, grabbed Fez's candy bag, and took off.

Fez wasted no time before he picked up his ruffled skirt and ran after the kid in his high-heels. "DON'T THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY YOU LITTLE CANDY-STEALING BASTARD!"

Stunned silence overtook the group.

Eric pointed after Fez's retreating form. "Did you all see what I saw?"

"Yeah, Fez can run really fast in high-heels," Donna commented.

Jackie looked disinterestedly at her nails. "He practices," she informed them.

Eric turned to her. "_Seriously?_"

She nodded.

"Do you guys think we should go after him?" Donna asked, concerned.

Hyde shook his head decisively. "Nah, this is Fez's battle. Let the man take care of his own candy matters. Besides, I don't want to get involved in any altercations involving candy, a little kid, and a man in frilly dress. That's not how I roll."

"You know, I could have stopped that kid if you hadn't made me put my sword away, _Hyde,_" Kelso bitterly complained. Jackie poked him with her pitchfork. "_Ow! _Jackie! What was that for?"

"Shut up, Michael," Jackie commanded, taking charge of the situation. She turned to the group and pointed her pitchfork at them threateningly. "Let's get a move on! We've been out here so long my hair's starting to go flat!" She then marched her petite self through the door to the haunted mansion.

Hyde shrugged. "You heard the woman," he said, following after her.

The gang soon assembled themselves in the entrance hall.

"It's not too late to turn back—"

"Eric, we're not turning back," Donna snapped. "Though I do feel bad about Fez…"

"Trust me, Donna, Fez will be fine," Jackie told the larger girl in an attempt to comfort her. "He can handle himself…especially when it comes to candy. An old lady at the beauty salon once stole a piece of his candy and he almost strangled her with the hair dryer cord."

Donna didn't seem to know how to respond but was saved from trying when a tall, good-looking man with blonde hair approached the gang. "Hey, Jackie," the man greeted. He looked her up and down. "Great devil costume."

Jackie's whole face lit up. "Thanks, Jason. I love your Romeo outfit," she beamed with a girlish giggle. "Can I talk to you in private?" she asked, grabbing his arm and dragging him off before he could answer.

Donna stared after her friend. "That's so rude. She didn't even introduce us."

"Donna, it's Jackie. Did you forget? She _is_ rude," Eric told his girlfriend.

Hyde crossed his arms, suddenly annoyed. "I don't see why she had to go talk to Romeo in private."

Donna looked at him with interest. "Hyde, if I didn't know better I'd say you were jealous," she teased.

Hyde uncrossed and re-crossed his arms. "I'm _not_ jealous."

Donna suddenly got an annoyingly gleeful look on her face. "Oh my God! You're totally jealous!"

"I am not."

"You _so _are."

"I _am_ not."

Donna mimicked him and folded her arms. "Then how come you're watching her?" she asked shrewdly.

Hyde immediately turned his head away from the nauseating sight of Jacking chatting away with that pretty boy.

Donna smiled knowingly. "You _love_ her. You can't take your eyes off her," she mocked in a sing-song voice.

"Can it, Ginger. Go bother Gilligan."

"I'm _the Professor_," Eric corrected.

"Whatever, man."

"Hyde, I don't blame you if you want to get back together with Jackie," Kelso told him, interjecting his half a brain into the conversation. "After seeing her in that devil costume, I want to get back together with her too."

Hyde narrowed his eyes. "You do?"

"Yeah. She's HOT. Like WAY HOT. I mean, I don't want to date her. I just want to do it with her…_Ow!_ Hyde! You hit me! Again!"

Hyde scowled. "Let's not talk about Jackie."

"Good idea," Eric agreed. "If we don't talk about the devil, we can pretend she doesn't exist—"

"Hyde, if you want to be with Jackie, then be with Jackie," Donna butt in.

Hyde cocked his head to the side with interest.

"I know you guys have been hanging out since Eric and I left," she continued, "and judging from what I've seen, you guys still feel something for each other—"

"And just what exactly are they feeling?" Kelso asked. "I wouldn't mind feeling something on Jackie…_Ow!_ Donna! How come everybody keeps hitting me today?"

Donna carried on despite the disruption. "As I was saying, I think you guys still feel something for each other. Maybe you should do something about it—"

"He should run. Run as fast as he can away from the devil—"

"SHUT UP, ERIC!" Donna yelled. "Everybody stop interrupting me!" She took a deep breath. "I was thinking more along the line of talking to Jackie. See how she feels. What do you think?"

Silence.

"Hyde?"

Silence.

"_Hyde?_"

He uncrossed his arms and sighed. "Donna, I think you're butting into something that is none of your damn business. Didn't I say let's _not_ talk about Jackie anymore?"

"WHAT'S EVERBODY TALKING ABOUT?" came Jackie's loud voice from behind them.

Eric, Donna, Kelso, and Hyde all jumped in surprise.

Jackie examined them shrewdly. "You were talking about _me_, weren't you?" She smiled and started bouncing up and down. "Oh! I love it when people talk about me! I hope you were talking about how pretty I am and how great I look in this outfit!"

Kelso swaggered up to Jackie and put his arm around her shoulder. "You're right, Jackie. I was talking about how great you look in that outfit. So, what'd you say we go do it in one of these dark rooms?" Jackie responded by hitting his arm away with her pitchfork. "_Ow!_ Fine! I'll just go find a dark room myself then!"

Donna made a face. "_Eew_. I so didn't need that image in my head."

"So, Jackie," Hyde said in a would-be casual voice, "What were you chatting about with Romeo over there?"

She steadily fixed her mismatched eyes on him. "_Nothing_," she answered, full of meaning.

"How do you know that guy anyway?" Donna asked. "You just walked off without introducing us," she added in a disapproving tone.

Jackie turned from Hyde to answer. "He's the son of one of my Dad's old associates. We had private matters to discuss…" She shifted uncomfortably. "I think it's about time we explore this place and see how lame it is," she abruptly announced, starting off down a dark hallway before turning back. "Aren't you guys coming?" she asked, brandishing about her shiny red pitchfork.

Eric seemed apprehensive to follow. "Following the devil down a dark hallway…Why does this seem like a bad idea?"

"Forman, you could never be the Professor," Hyde deadpanned before he followed the devil's path…

* * *

_20 minutes later…_

_Inside the Haunted Mansion_

"Eric, would you quit squeezing my hand so tight? You're cutting off my circulation," Donna groaned.

"He can't help it, Donna. Gilligan here needs Ginger to protect him from the evils of the haunted mansion," Hyde snidely remarked.

"I'm _not_ scared," Eric stated. "I have an overly manly grip. I don't know my own strength. Besides, I'm the Professor!"

"You're not the Professor. You screamed like a girl when that zombie chick jumped out at you."

Eric took on a defensive stance. "I did not scream like a girl. I simply gasped in surprise."

"Forman, you screamed like a girl and then hid behind Donna."

Donna shook her head and turned to Hyde. "You know, I resent the expression 'screamed like a girl.' It makes women sound like the weaker sex. I mean, you didn't hear me yell '_Oh my God! I'm going to die!_' when that guy with a chainsaw came at me like Eric did."

"Donna!" Eric cried.

Hyde ignored his friend's protests to the contrary. "What would you say he sounded like then?"

Donna paused in thought. "_Damn._ You're right. He sounds like a girl," she finally admitted.

"_Donna!_" Eric cried again.

She shrugged half-heartedly. "Sorry, Eric."

Eric squirmed in upset. "In my defense, that zombie woman was quite frightening—"

"Dude, she was HOT!" Kelso bellowed. "That zombie outfit was skin-tight. I'd love to do it with her!"

"We know, Michael," Jackie said, sounding irritated. "We were there when you grabbed her butt and asked her if she wanted to go somewhere and do it."

"Yeah, she was totally into me!"

"No, she wasn't!" Donna barked. "She slapped you and told you to keep your sword in your pants!"

"Like I said, she was totally into me!"

Donna put her head in her hand.

"How big is this damn house? And where are the rooms? It feels like we've been wandering forever," Jackie complained.

"Yeah, it does seem like this house is solely composed of dark hallways…and frightening zombie women," Eric commented.

"You mean HOT zombie women," Kelso corrected.

"Speaking of dark, _Hyde_, how the hell can you see anything with those sunglasses on?" Donna asked, focusing on him with an inquisitive expression.

"My night-vision is superior to that of a normal person," he boasted. "It comes from years of non-stop sunglass wearing…_Ow! _Where did that come from?"

Kelso turned around. "Hyde, man, what are you doing behind me?"

Donna folded her arms and took on a complacent expression. "You walked into Kelso's sword, didn't you?"

"Of course not," he denied, inconspicuously clutching his side.

"Oh, for the love of ABBA, take those damn sunglasses off, Steven," Jackie commanded. She didn't wait for him to obey, however, and instead walked up to him and speedily ripped them off his face.

"Hey! Give those back, sunglass-thief! I loathe ABBA!"

"No!" she cried, dodging his attempts to swipe his sunglasses back. "I'm not letting you wear them in the dark! If you want them back you have to get them _here._" She quickly stuffed the sunglasses down her cleavage.

Hyde froze. "Don't think I won't go down there," he warned, carefully observing the area where his sunglasses hid.

"I'LL GO DOWN THERE!" Kelso volunteered, raising his hand in the air. Hyde frogged him on the arm. "_Ow!_ I was kidding…"

Hyde glowered angrily at Kelso. "You'll stay away from there," he ordered. He turned back to Jackie and pointed at her. "I'll deal with _you_ later," he insisted.

Jackie smirked. "Okay, Steven, if you can handle me later…_Excuse me, who are you?_" She scowled at the zombie woman who had jumped out in front of her and was making all sorts of hideous faces. "Couldn't you see I was BUSY talking? Get out of my face! Your make-up is terrible! Go on! SHOO!" Jackie smiled as the zombie woman retreated amid her yelling.

Hyde nodded his head in approval. "See, Forman, Jackie didn't scream like a girl when…_Forman, are you cowering from the zombie woman?_"

Eric had pressed himself up against the wall. "Man, I think that's the same zombie woman from earlier."

"The HOT one?" questioned Kelso, looking wildly around. "Where'd she go?"

Jackie looked thoughtful. "You know, she might be attractive if her make-up wasn't so terrible. She looked like the living dead!"

Donna looked at the smaller girl in confusion. "Jackie, she's a zombie. She's supposed to look like the living dead."

"Whatever," Jackie said dismissively. "That's no excuse. I'll be right back. I'm going to go talk to her about her make-up routine…"

"Jackie!" Donna called out after her.

Hyde watched Jackie prance away with an annoyed expression. "She better come back. She has my sunglasses."

* * *

_10 minutes later…_

"Do you guys think Jackie's alright?" Donna worriedly asked.

"Of course. She's the devil. She can spew her hellfire at any of the other evildoers that come her way," Eric replied.

"Maybe she's getting it on with the zombie chick," Kelso mused. He paused. "Man! I knew I should have gone with Jackie!"

"You guys are not helping!" Donna cried.

Hyde stared straight ahead at the wall. "I'll go look for her if she's doesn't come back in the next few minutes."

"You guys are overreacting," Eric said. "Jackie has a knack for popping up when she's least wanted. Usually when I'm calling her the devil. I think it's because of her devil powers—"

"I'm back!" Jackie announced, rounding the corner of the dark hallway.

"See! I told you!"

Jackie gave Eric a weird look. "Sorry I took so long. That girl knew even less about make-up than Donna—"

"So you left us here waiting for you while you chit-chatted with zombie girl about makeup techniques?" Hyde asked disdainfully. "Jackie, how inconsiderate can you be?"

She put on a faux-concerned expression. "Aww, Steven, were you worried about me?" she asked sarcastically.

He was silent.

She gasped in surprise. "Aww, Steven, you were worried about me!"

He looked away. "I wasn't worried about you. I was worried about my sunglasses." He stole a quick glance at her. She was smiling like a loon. _Damn._

"Whatever, Steven," she said sweetly. She turned her attention to the rest of the group. "Anyway, before Steven declared that he was worried about me—"

"_I didn't declare anything!_"

"—I was about to say I found an actual room. We should check it out. I'm tired of hanging around in dark hallways." She paused. "Why are you guys still standing there? Move those lazy butts!"

They stared at her, seemingly unaffected.

"I have a pitchfork, and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Their lazy butts were gone directly…

"This room is kind of creepy," Donna commented once they entered the dimly lit room.

Eric grimaced as he looked about the room. "Yeah, what's with all the torture devices?"

"I think it's kinky!" Kelso exclaimed.

Jackie threw him a disgusted look. "How is a guillotine kinky, Michael?"

Kelso had a puzzled expression. "Gill-a-what? What's that? Are you making things up?" He looked where Jackie pointed. "Oh, that! Hey! It's like a table! We can do it there! Jackie, you want to do it with me?"

"NO, MICHAEL! I DON'T WANT TO DO IT WITH YOU!" Jackie yelled right before the room went pitch black.

Kelso cackled hysterically. "Hyde, did you move my blindfold again?" Silence. "Oh my God! Moving the blindfold didn't work! I'M BLIND! I'M REALLY BLIND!"

"SHUT UP, YOU MORON!" Hyde shouted into the darkness. "Stop panicking. The lights went out. None of us can see."

"What happened to the lights?" squealed a panic-ridden Eric. "That zombie woman is probably gonna come back and kill us all!"

"Calm down, man, you're getting as bad as Kelso. The power went out. It'll probably be back on any second now…"

Silence.

"Donna? Can you hold my hand?" Eric asked feebly.

"Don't worry, I'm here Eric," Donna assured.

"God, you two are such an embarrassing couple," Jackie groaned.

"No kidding," Hyde agreed.

"At least we're not a creepy and unnatural couple like you two were!" Eric argued.

"Forman, at least I was the man in my in my creepy and unnatural relationship," Hyde shot back.

"That's right. Steven was the man in our relationship. He's bigger and stronger than I am," Jackie vehemently added. "Unlike you and that lumberjack, who could snap you like a twig."

"Donna could not snap me like a twig," Eric protested.

"Whatever you say, Gilligan," Hyde scoffed in disbelief.

"Hey! I may look scrawny but—"

"I have an idea!" Donna interrupted in a falsely cheerful voice. "Why don't we all SHUT THE HELL UP and wait for the lights to come back on?"

"Better listen to her Forman or she'll snap you like a twig—"

"HYDE!"

Silence.

"Michael! Get your hand off my butt!" Jackie screeched.

"Kelso! Get your hand off her butt!" Hyde yelled.

"How'd you know it was me?" asked a grumpy sounding Kelso.

"Just stay away from me, Michael," an exasperated Jackie requested.

"Fine!" Kelso huffed. "This is no fun. What good is a dark room if I can't cop a feel…_AAAAAHHHHHHHH!_"

Silence.

"Michael?"

Silence.

"_Michael?_"

"Kelso, you there man?" Hyde chimed in.

Silence.

"Kelso, this isn't funny…" Eric trailed off.

Silence.

"We should probably feel around for him," Donna suggested. "You know, in case he knocked himself out or something…"

After stumbling around in the dark for several minutes, they all came to the same conclusion…

"HOLY CRAP! KELSO IS GONE!"

"Relax, Forman, I'm sure there is a perfectly good explanation of why Kelso isn't here," Hyde stated.

"Which is?" Donna inquired.

"I have no idea," he candidly admitted. "I haven't had time to think up any conspiracy theories yet…"

"See what happens when you go in a haunted mansion?" Eric piped up in an accusatory tone. "You people just had to come in here. And now look what happened! Kelso's gone missing!"

"We should probably start searching for him," Donna remarked.

"Don't bother looking for that moron. It'll just be a waste of time," Jackie tactlessly advised.

"Jackie!" Donna scolded. "Aren't you worried about Kelso at all?"

"Not really," Jackie frankly admitted. She sighed loudly. "Look, Michael gets lost a lot, but he always comes back. He's like a dog."

"She has a point," Hyde acknowledged. "This one time I left Kelso in Duluth after he wandered off in search of ice cream. It took him a week, but he still managed to find his way back to Point Place."

"You left Kelso in Duluth? What were you even doing in Duluth?" Donna asked in surprise.

"We went to the zoo," he reluctantly admitted. There was an awkward pause. "You'd be surprised how much fun the zoo can be after a circle—"

"Never mind," Donna cut off. "I guess we should wait here for Kelso to come back…"

* * *

_15 minutes later…_

"Yeah, Kelso's not coming back," Hyde stated bluntly.

"Let's start searching the building for him," Donna declared.

"You go ahead, Donna," Jackie told her. "I'd prefer not to risk getting groped by Michael in the dark."

"I say we forget about Kelso and this stupid mansion and head straight for the party where we can hit the free booze," suggested Hyde.

"What is wrong with you two?" asked an appalled Donna. "Kelso's our friend. What if something bad happens to him? We need to go look for him."

Jackie and Hyde both grumbled their dissent.

"I can't believe you two!" cried Donna. "This isn't optional! We're going to look for Kelso NOW!"

"But it's awfully dark without the lights, Donna," Eric squeaked. "What if we disappear too?"

"Eric, if you want to prove you're the Professor, get off your panicky butt and help us search for Kelso!"

* * *

_10 minutes later…_

"_EEEEEEEEK!_"

"Forman, what are you squealing about this time?" asked an agitated Hyde.

"Someone touched my neck! Someone is after me I tell you!"

"Eric, there's nobody here but us," Donna assured him.

"Yeah, and nobody here wants to touch you," scoffed Jackie.

"Maybe it's a ghost!" Eric suggested in alarm. "Donna, I'm telling you…_Eeeeek!_ There it is again!"

"Quit whining like a baby!" Jackie hollered. "It's bad enough we're stuck searching for Michael in the dark where no one can see how cute I am!"

"Easy for you to say! You're not the one being accosted by some other worldly being…_Eeek!_"

"Forman, if you're going to keep shrieking like a girl, you should leave," Hyde told him.

"I would, but I have no idea where the exit is in this death trap…"

"There's an exit around the next corner," Jackie notified him.

"Eric's _not _leaving," Donna strongly emphasized. "We're all going to stick together until we find Kelso—"

"_EEEEEEEEEK!_ SOMETHING POKED MY BUTT!" Eric cried. "I'm sorry, Donna! I can't stay here anymore!"

"Eric, you can't go…" She trailed off at the sound of Eric's terrified footsteps running down the hall. "I can't believe that bastard left!"

"Donna, I don't know why you're constantly surprised that Forman's a wuss," Hyde commented.

"Ugh! Now I have to go find him!" Donna complained. "You two wait here! I'll be right back!" Donna's footsteps were then heard trailing down the hall as she bellowed, "ERIC FORMAN! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS! THEY WERE RIGHT! YOU ARE GILLIGAN!"

"_Burn!_" Hyde chuckled.

"Our friends are idiots, Steven," Jackie stated matter-of-factly.

"No arguments here."

All their idiotic friends now gone, Hyde was left standing in a dark hallway with Jackie…for about two seconds, after which the lights came back on. Hyde then found himself standing in a dim hallway staring at Jackie in her incredibly hot devil costume.

_Damn._

"Steven, what are you looking at?"

"Nothing," he said quickly, averting his gaze from her devilish form. A question then came to him. "Jackie, is there really an exit around the corner like you told Forman?"

She shrugged. "I have no idea. He was annoying me. I said that so he would go away."

He smiled in approval. "_Nice._"

She winked. "So…" she said with a sinister look in her eyes, "do you want to wait for Donna like she asked?"

"Where are you going with this? You want to skip out on Eric and Donna and do our own thing?" He grinned at her nod. "I like the way you think…"

* * *

_20 minutes later…_

"God, this haunted mansion is so much more fun without our loser friends," Jackie asserted. She pointed ahead. "Hey, let's see what's through that door!"

"I know, the severed head trick that guy with the chainsaw did was pretty badass. Forman would have run screaming if he hadn't already done so earlier," Hyde furthered as he opened the door in front of him. "Watch your step, Jackie, it looks like this leads to the basement."

"Yeah, Eric was pathetic. I don't know what that lumberjack sees in him," she continued as she closed the door and followed him down the basement stairs. "I think we should go find cooler friends…_Eew!_ What's that ugly thing over there supposed to be?"

Hyde followed her line of sight. "I think that's supposed to be the spinning head chick from _The Exorcist_."

She scrunched up her face with distaste. "I wouldn't know. I never saw that movie." She went over to examine the mannequin-like representation. "Man, she's really ugly. Was she that ugly in the movie?"

"Jackie, what are you talking about? You saw that movie with me."

She frowned. "I did?"

"Yeah." He took note of her baffled expression. "Don't you remember? You didn't want to watch it at first. I had to promise to take you to the mall."

A look of comprehension crossed her face. "That explains it then."

"Huh?"

She smiled mischievously. "Steven, how closely did we watch the movie?"

"What do you mean…" The same look of comprehension crossed his face. He grinned. "Yeah, we didn't really end up paying much attention…Come to think of it, we never paid much attention to the movies we went to."

"Well, _duh_." She folded her arms. "Do you think I wanted to watch all those stupid horror movies you dragged me to? So I didn't watch them…"

He raised an eyebrow questioningly at her. "Meaning you distracted me by jumping me every time we went to go see a movie you didn't like?"

She nodded. "Pretty much."

He stared at her in fascination. "Jackie, that's so evil of you."

"Hey! If I'm evil, you're evil," she heatedly defended. "Don't think I didn't notice you did the same thing. I had to drag Donna to the movies so I could watch _A Star is Born_ again."

"I never said I wasn't evil," he boasted.

"Whatever," she huffed. "We should finish looking around the basement." She walked to the middle of the room where two closed coffins stood. "These look like _real_ coffins."

Hyde went to join her. "Well, let's see what's inside, shall we?" He opened the lid to one of the coffins. Inside was an impressively real-looking skeleton dressed in a wedding dress.

Jackie peaked over his shoulder. "That's disgusting!" she exclaimed. "That poor wedding dress! It should be against the law to put something so beautiful on something so ugly!"

Hyde rolled his eyes and opened the second casket. "And here's the groom!" He turned to Jackie. "What do you think it was? Murder-suicide? Probably realized marriage was a death-trap anyway, so he decided to speed up the process."

"Steven!" Jackie cried in outrage, batting him with her pitchfork until he raised his hands up in surrender.

"Hey! Just stating my opinion!"

"Because getting drunk and marrying a stripper makes you such an expert on marriage!"

He winced. "Technically, I wasn't married—"

"Whatever," she spat. She then stared down at the corpse bride and groom with a wistful expression. "I think they had a tragic love story. Like Romeo and Juliet. She was probably really pretty and rich and he was really scruffy and poor. Society didn't want them together so they ended up killing themselves so they could be together."

"Jackie, that's not exactly how Romeo and Juliet goes—"

"That's not the point!" she irrationally cut off. "The point is they died for love. It's romantic."

Hyde gave a look of disgust. "You think dying is romantic? And you wonder why I didn't want to watch the movies you'd pick." He shook his head. "Whatever. Why are we even discussing this? They're plastic skeletons. They were probably made in some warehouse in Ohio. Let's get out of this basement. I think it's clouding my judgment…"

"_Fine,_" she pouted and followed him as he made his way up the stairs.

Hyde turned the handle of the door, anxious to get himself out of that wretched basement. "_What the…_"

Jackie tapped her foot behind him impatiently. "Steven, why are you just standing there? I thought we were leaving."

"I thought so too, but the door seems to have other plans," he choked out. "It's locked."

"You can't be serious!" She stepped up beside him. "Ugh! Move aside!" she ordered, pushing him out of the way. She tried the handle. "You are serious! Oh my God! Steven! We're locked in!"

"Jackie, stop panicking," he commanded, pulling her away. He then started pounding on the door relentlessly. "HEY! IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? WE'RE TRAPPED!"

Jackie joined in the yelling. "LET ME OUT OF HERE! I'M TOO PRETTY TO BE TRAPPED IN A BASEMENT!"

No answer. _Crap._

Hyde sighed in defeat. "Looks like we're going to be stuck in this basement for a while."

Jackie looked up at him. "What are we going to do?"

He grinned.

* * *

_30 minutes later…_

Jackie and Hyde were sitting on the basement floor with identical bemused expressions.

"Why are we always in basements, man? We spend so much time in the basement," Hyde remarked. "It's getting to the point where I don't feel right in other rooms. It's like they're too high up…"

Jackie gave him a blank stare. "Why do you say 'man' so much? I'm not a man…nobody could mistake me for a man. I'm way too pretty. Oh! And I have boobs!" She looked down at her chest and started giggling.

Hyde was looking at the objects of Jackie's attention and grinning. "Yeah. You do have boobs. And you know what's so great about it? There's two of them! Man, my sunglasses are lucky right now…"

"You know who could be mistaken for a man if she didn't have boobs? Donna! She acts like a man, dresses like a man…she doesn't even date a real man! Eric should be the one with boobs!"

Hyde suspiciously looked around before leaning in and whispering. "I think the government locked us in here. They know that I know too much. We better play it cool. They could be watching us. We don't want them to know that I know that they know that I know too much."

Jackie looked at him in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about? If the government's watching us, it wouldn't be because of you. Why would they want to watch you? I'm much more pretty and interesting…and I have boobs…"

* * *

_Another 30 minutes later…_

"Now what are we going to do?" a bored-sounding Jackie asked from the floor. "This basement is even worse than Eric's. They don't even have a couch."

"Don't ask me. We used up the last of my stash."

Having discarded that stupid pirate hat of his some time ago, Hyde was sitting on the floor banging his head against the wall. He looked at Jackie through the dim light in the room. "What are we going to do?" he repeated disinterestedly. He lazily forced himself up. "I'll tell you want I'm going to do. I'm going to find the damn light switch in here."

Once he'd turn up the light, however, he realized he'd made a grave error. He now had a very good view of Jackie in her devil outfit lying in what could be construed as a very seductive pose on the floor.

_Damn._

"Give me my sunglasses," he choked out.

"You just turned the light on," she noted. "Why would you want your sunglasses?"

He chose not to answer her question. "Give me my sunglasses," he repeated with some urgency.

"No, I like you without them," she snottily replied.

"Well, if you won't _give _them to me…" He suggestively dropped his eyes to the area in which his sunglasses were hidden.

Jackie noticed his line of vision. "Don't even think about it, Steven!" She scurried up from the floor and backed away from him.

He came slowly towards her as if he was stalking prey. "You can hand over the sunglasses and end this now, Jackie. It's up to you."

She made a high squeaking noise before she bolted to the other side of the room and positioned herself behind the coffins of the corpse bride and groom. "I'll never surrender to you, Steven!" she cried in defiance.

He responded with a wicked smirk. "Then you better prepare to face the consequences…" He sprang towards her.

"_Eek!_" Jackie yelped as she maneuvered her tiny body away from him, running to the other side of the coffins for protection.

Hyde paused. "Jackie, give it up. We're in a locked room. You can't get away from me forever."

She looked at him with a strange expression. "You can't have your sunglasses yet. You just _can't_."

He took note of her determined stance. "Then you'd better be prepared to go all out…" He chased after her and this time he didn't pause. They ended up circling the coffins over and over. He was surprised how steadfast Jackie was in her concentration. Again and again, she kept alluding him…until she made the mistake of turning too slow on the corner.

"Gotcha!" he triumphed, holding her wriggling body about the waist. "This is your last chance to surrender and hand over the shades…" She kicked him. "_Hey!_ That's it! I'm going in!"

"Don't you dare!" she screeched as his hand approached the destination of his sunglasses. He was about to get his sunglasses…"NO!" she cried as she forcibly stabbed his thigh with her pitchfork, causing him to double over in pain.

"_Ow!_" He'd forgotten about her damn pitchfork. "Jackie, was that really necessary?" he asked heatedly. He straightened himself and looked at her. He was met with an angry stare and a pitchfork.

"How dare you touch me!" she growled.

He rolled his eyes. "I don't get what you're so angry about. You're the one who won't give me my sunglasses!" He looked her up and down in a condescending manner. "Besides, it's not like I haven't been there before."

"You're such a jerk!" she seethed, pointing her pitchfork below his waist. His hands flew up in immediate surrender.

"O-Okay Jackie, you win. Don't do anything rash…"

"What does it matter? I thought you didn't want to have kids anyway!" she retorted.

"I still want to be able to do other things!" He shook his head. "Seriously, Jackie, what are you so mad about?"

"I'm mad because…because you don't have the right to touch me like that. You no longer have those privileges…to…to…"

"Touch your naughty places?" he amusedly supplied for her.

"Steven!" she shrieked in admonishment, a blush creeping to her cheeks.

He sighed. "Look, Jackie, I'm sorry. I just wanted my sunglasses back."

Her expression softened slightly, but she did not put down the pitchfork. "Why do you want your sunglasses so bad anyway?"

"I just…do" was his inarticulate answer.

"Oh! I know why you want them!" Suddenly, her features took on a more upbeat expression. "It's because you want me! I'm so hot you have to wear sunglasses to keep yourself from jumping me!" she teasingly declared.

Hyde abruptly looked away.

Her jaw dropped in surprise, along with her pitchfork. "Oh my God! Steven! It's because you want me! I'm so hot that you have to wear sunglasses to keep yourself from jumping me!"

Hyde immediately went on the defense. "That's ridiculous! I don't want you! Why would I want you?" He crossed his arms, avoiding her gaze. "In fact, I wanted my sunglasses so I could forget you were even here. I should be at the party by now drinking free beer. Instead, I'm stuck in a basement with _you._" When he finally looked up and met her gaze, he was taken aback. She looked…devastated.

Jackie closed her eyes and tightened her jaw. "I see," she said shortly. She opened her eyes and fixed him with a malignant stare. "I'll do my best not to bother you. I know how I'm _nothing_ to you." She then retreated to the other side of the room and sat down on the floor with her back against the wall.

Hyde observed her as she sat stoically against the wall, her eyes staring blankly ahead. "Jackie?" he called out.

Silence.

"_Jackie?_" he tried again.

Silence.

_Man, he was screwed… _

* * *

_40 minutes later…_

"I'm impressed, Jackie, this has to be some kind of record for you," Hyde cracked. "I don't think I've ever seen you go longer than two minutes without speaking before."

Silence.

Hyde shifted uncomfortably against the wall next to Jackie, who continued to stare straight ahead, ignoring his presence altogether. "Jackie, don't you think it's about time you gave up the silent treatment?"

Silence.

"Great," he commented lightly. "So, you don't mind if I talk about Led Zeppelin?"

Silence.

"Or we could talk about how unicorns are the root of all evil and how any physical representations of said fictitious beings should be burned?"

Silence.

"Damnit, Jackie," he grunted in frustration. "I'm sorry, okay. I admit, there are worse things than being locked in a basement with you…I could be locked in a basement with Forman." Hyde thought he saw the corners of her mouth twinge in reaction to the last part of his statement. "So, can you…say something?" he tried.

Silence.

Hyde groaned. Jackie had a real talent for making things difficult. "Look, I didn't mean those things I said." He glanced over at her. She seemingly had no reaction at all. "Jackie, I don't know what it is you want me to say…"

Silence.

Hyde sighed in defeat to a ninety-five brunette. "Alright. I lied. I do want you." He forced the words out as if he was in extreme agony.

Jackie jumped up immediately. "I knew it!" she exclaimed in triumph, pointing her finger at him. "I knew you wanted me!" She struck a pose as if she was shooting a magazine cover. "I mean, how could you not want me? Look at me. Every guy should want me."

Hyde stared up at her in disbelief. "So…what? You gave me the silent treatment because you wanted me to appease your vanity?"

She shook her head dismissively. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that _you_ want _me_. Tell me, Steven, why do you want me? Is it my hair? My face? My body? I know I'm pretty much perfect all around—"

"Shut up, Jackie. I'm a guy, okay? I'm not blind," he broke in, extremely irritated. He looked her over. "And in that devil costume you look really…_okay._"

"_Okay?_" she repeated, appalled. "I'm far beyond okay. If I was just okay you wouldn't want me. But you do! I so knew you lied when you said you didn't want me! I _knew_ you wanted me!"

"I don't know why you'd make such a fuss just because I said I didn't want…" Hyde's eyes widened in realization. "You want me."

Jackie froze, immediately ceasing her celebratory boasting.

Hyde stood up and smirked in triumph. "That's why you were upset isn't it? Because _you_ want _me._"

Jackie shook her head far too adamantly. "No…no…that's not it at all…"

He stepped towards her. "Really? Then what is it? Because I think that's exactly what it is."

"That's not it. I…I just…"

"Go on. I'm dying to know what you have to say…"

"_Fine._" She huffed in annoyance, shooting daggers at him with her eyes. "I'll tell you why I was upset. I was upset because you've been acting as if I'm _nothing_ to you. I thought we were past that, especially with all the time we've spent together recently while everyone else has been gone."

"If this is about what I said to Forman, you know he was asking if we were—"

"I _know_, but it hurt when you said there was _nothing _between us. I know we don't have, like, titles or anything, but after all the time we've spent together these last months…I don't know what exactly we are, but I wouldn't say we're nothing. At the very least I would have thought we were friends."

"We're not friends," he bit out abruptly before he could censor himself. He noticed her hurt expression and backtracked immediately. "No, no…I didn't mean it like that…"

"How did you mean it, Steven?" she asked looking up at him, her mismatched eyes wide and vulnerable.

He stared back at her pleading expression. _This_ was why he needed his sunglasses. "I meant that we've never really been friends, and I don't think we can ever really be friends…not _just friends_ anyway."

"Then what are we if we're not friends?"

"We're…_something._" He finished lamely, unable to find the right words.

"We're something?" she repeated, crossing her arms in annoyance. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means we're something," he reiterated unhelpfully. He groaned in agitation at the dark look she shot him. "Jackie, I don't know what we are. Why the hell are we even talking about this crap? It can't amount to anything good…"

"Glad you think we can never amount to anything good," she spat.

He cringed at the bitterness of her tone. "I'm not saying that. It's just…things always end the same with us." His clarification attempt did not seem to penetrate her. He sighed in frustration. "Jackie, where are you going with this? What do you want?"

"I want answers!" she cried, throwing her arms in the air for emphasis. "I want to know what's going on with us!"

Hyde was beside himself at his ex-girlfriend's bossy demands. "_Us? _I wasn't even aware there was an 'us.' Why can't there be a 'you' and a 'me.' Why does there have to be an 'us'?" He shook his head as if he was trying to rid himself of the current unpleasant situation. It didn't work. "Why can't we keep things they way they are?" he asked hopefully.

His hopes were crushed by her subsequent ranting. "The way things are? How can we keep up the way things are? Steven, we spend almost all our free time together! Granted, we mostly sit in the basement watching _Charlie's Angels_ or _Fantasy Island_ or whatever, but it's still time we're spending with each other rather than anyone else. I haven't gone on a date in over five months, and I know for a fact you haven't either!"

"How would you know—"

"Believe me_. I know._ Just like I know you changed your weekend work schedule to match mine." He was silent. "Steven, we're practically dating without the sex!"

"We are not…" he went to object, but stopped to reflect on her words. He shrugged in admittance. "Yeah, I guess we kind of are…"

"Exactly. The thing is…right now we're at a standstill. No matter what, we need to move forward." She took a deep breath before continuing. "The question is: Do we move forward together…or apart?" She swallowed nervously as she finished.

Hyde's expression turned cold. "Jackie, you know I'm not good with ultimatums," he snapped.

"_Really?_ I had no idea," she voiced with heavy sarcasm. Putting her hand to her chin, she made a show of pretending to be in deep thought. "Wait, I do seem to recall a slight hesitance towards commitment on your part…"

"Jackie—"

"Steven, I'm not trying to give you ultimatums," she cut off seriously. "I'm trying to discuss our options with you. I don't want to pressure you like before."

"Then why does it feel like that's what you're doing?" Hyde leveled Jackie with a steady gaze. _Damn._ She looked sincere. He exhaled in preparation for the inevitable…discussing his feelings. "Jackie, I feel like whatever messed-up relationship we have is going to become even more messed-up after today. Hanging out with you lately has been…almost like the way things were before everything went to hell. If we take things further, everything will go to hell again. And after everything that's happened…"

Jackie sighed heavily. "And by 'everything that's happened' you mean how I tried to pressure you into marriage by giving you an ultimatum—"

"Yeah, there was that—"

"And then you incorrectly assumed I slept with Michael—"

"He was _naked._ Who wouldn't assume—"

"And then you got drunk and married a stripper—"

"Technically, I didn't marry her—"

"And then you foolishly chose to stay with her—"

"Not really my best decision—"

"And then you behaved like a complete jerk to me—"

"Yeah, well, I was pissed off—"

"And then I lost my pretty head and decided dating Fez was a good idea," she finished.

Hyde made a face. "What were you thinking dating Fez?"

She shrugged. "Is that pretty much everything to which you were referring?" she asked.

"Pretty much, yeah," he admitted. "See? That's why it wouldn't work between us. Too much has happened. How could we be possibly get past that?"

She smirked at him. "Don't you think we already have?" At his confused expression, she became downright smug. "Steven, we've been getting along and hanging out for months now. Do you think we would be able to do that if we hadn't gotten past everything?"

Hyde folded his arms and stared at her. "Crap. You're right."

"Of course I'm right. So, does that mean you want us to be together?"

"I don't know."

Jackie's jaw tightened. "Alright. I'm going to ask you some questions. 'I don't know' is _not_ an acceptable answer. Do you understand me?"

"Jackie, I don't want to—"

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

"_Yes._ Though I think you may have damaged my hearing."

"Alright, let's begin," she sternly announced. "Steven, do you want me?"

"I thought we already covered—"

"STEVEN! ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"Yes. _I want you._" He made sure to lay heavy on the sarcasm.

She ignored his tone. "Do you just want me physically? Or is there more?"

"Jackie, I don't want to do this—"

"DO I HAVE TO GET MY PITCHFORK?"

He glared at her. "There's more," he answered reluctantly.

"Do you enjoy spending time with me?"

"Yes…Not sure why though…"

She smiled slightly. "Do you want to continue to spend time with me?"

He shifted awkwardly. "Yes…I've always been a bit masochistic…"

"Would you be upset if I dated anyone else?"

"Jackie, what kind of question—"

"_Would you be upset if I dated anyone else?_" she repeated.

He could see she was anxious for his answer. "Yes," he said tightly.

"Why would you be upset?" she furthered.

"I don't—"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"BECAUSE I HATE THE THOUGHT OF YOU WITH SOMEONE ELSE!" he yelled. Okay, he was pissed off now.

"Oh, Steven! I hate the thought of you with someone else too!" she gushed. "So, why don't we not be with anyone else?"

Silence.

"Steven?"

Silence.

"Steven, do you want a relationship with me?"

"Let me tell you what I want, Jackie," he spoke in a menacing tone. "I want to NOT be having this conversation with you!"

She balled her hands into tiny fists. "But we NEED to have this conversation!"

Hyde was immediately on his guard. "We don't NEED to do anything! _I_ don't need to do anything!"

"Oh! So you WANT us to see other people?" she fiercely challenged.

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT!"

"Then WHAT are you SAYING, Steven?" she retorted. "You SAY you hate the thought of me with someone else, but you WON'T SAY you want me to be with you!"

Hyde threw his arms out in rage. "What do you WANT me to say?"

"I WANT you to say how you feel about me!"

"I LOVE YOU!" he blurted out angrily, barely registering his own words. He glared at her with bitter passion as he continued his heated rant. "IS THAT WHAT YOU _WANT_ ME TO SAY? YOU WANT ME TO SAY THAT _I LOVE YOU?_ THAT I'VE LOVED YOU _FOR A LONG TIME?_ THAT I _NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU?_ THAT I'LL PROBABLY _AWLAYS LOVE YOU?_ IS THAT WHAT YOU _WANT_ ME TO SAY?"

The complete and utter shock on her face was nothing compared to _his_ at having unexpectedly hollered his feelings in such a blatant and pissed-off fashion.

"Yes, Steven, that's EXACTLY what I WANT you to say!" Jackie cried with unconcealed emotion. She then squealed in delight and launched herself at him, kissing him hard on the mouth.

Hyde froze for only a moment before he recovered his senses. Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he kissed her back with equal force. He was surprised when she pulled back slightly from their passionate embrace…

"Wait…Steven…" she murmured breathlessly, "Was that an actual declaration…or was the whole thing hypothetical?"

He stared blankly at her. "Technically, it was hypothetical…"

Her face fell in devastation. "You jerk! You didn't mean it!" She immediately started trying to wriggle free, but he only clasped his arms around tighter.

"Jackie! Stop trying to get away!" he ordered, trying to maintain his hold on the fiery brunette. "Technically, the way I said it was hypothetical, but that doesn't mean I didn't mean it!" She stopped struggling and stilled in his arms.

"So, did you mean it?" she asked softly.

He looked into her eyes, knowing he was conveying more emotion than he felt comfortable with. "Yes, I meant it," he all but whispered. He cleared his throat. "I guess I want to say…all that stuff I said…I meant every word. Except, you know, _not hypothetical._"

Jackie couldn't have looked happier if there was a storewide sale at the mall. "Oh, Steven! I love you too!" She then happily returned to their previous activities by attacking his lips with passion…

Hyde enthusiastically responded.

* * *

_20 minutes later…_

"Jackie, I need to breathe," Hyde muttered in between kisses.

She broke apart from him and sighed. "Yeah, we should talk."

"I take it back. I don't need to breathe," he immediately amended.

"Steven!" she scolded.

Hyde sighed in aggravation. "Jackie, we're not good at talking. Haven't we talked enough already today?"

She pouted. "But that was one of our problems before. We didn't talk enough."

"Actually, I seem to remember _you_ talking a lot." He rolled his eyes at the glare she gave him. "Alright," he caved, "what do you want to talk about this time?"

She smiled at his acquiescence. "I think we need to make a pact to work harder in this relationship so we can avoid what happened…all those other times."

Hyde gave her an apprehensive look. "Pact? What kind of pact?" he asked tentatively.

Jackie paused, looking thoughtful. "Like, I promise to try and be less bossy and overbearing…"

"Don't forget manipulative."

She frowned at him. "Steven, I'm being serious!"

"So am I," he deadpanned.

"Fine," she huffed. "I promise not to be so manipulative, and you…" She motioned for him to say something.

He looked at her questioningly. "I...?"

"You promise to talk to me instead of jumping to conclusions…and then running off to marry a stripper," she finished for him.

"Technically, I didn't marry—"

"Steven, it doesn't matter," she briskly cut off. "I want you to promise that if something happens—_and I'm not saying it will_—to talk about it first before doing anything else."

He opened his mouth to make a sarcastic retort, but changed his mind at her serious expression. "Whatever," he groaned in defeat.

"Whatever, _what?_"

Man, she was going to be the death of him. "Whatever, _I promise._"

Jackie beamed. "We just have to trust each other, Steven. That was our main problem before. We didn't trust each other."

Hyde nodded as he began playing with a strand of her hair. "Let's just be truthful with each other. As long as we're truthful with each other, there's no reason not to trust each other," he reasoned.

She stared blankly at him for second. "Okay."

"Good." He paused. "So, are we done talking now?"

She nodded.

"Thank God," he murmured before kissing her with fervor. He was not pleased, however, when she pulled away a short time later.

"What time do you think it is? It has to be after midnight, right?" Jackie asked, still sounding groggy from their make-out session.

"Yeah, it has to be pretty late," Hyde grumbled. "If our moronic friends ever figured their way out of this place, they probably ditched us and went straight to the party…" He went to kiss her again.

Jackie pulled away from him. Ignoring his protests, "You think they left us?" she asked worriedly. "I'm going to go try the door again…"

She sprinted up the stairs to the doorway and looked around. She pounded on door and yelled, "HEY! IF ANYBODY'S OUT THERE, NOW WOULD BE THE TIME TO LET US OUT!" When she received no answer, she inexplicably started to panic. "LET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

"Jackie? What's the matter?" Hyde called from the foot of the stairs. "Someone's bound to come by eventually. We just have to wait…"

"This is all wrong!" she cried, not listening to him. She continued pounding on the door in alarm. "This wasn't part of the plan!"

Hyde froze. "Plan? What plan?"

Jackie stilled and went quiet.

"Jackie? _What plan?_"

_To Be Continued…_

* * *

_Up Next in Part 2 of_ She's the Devil: _There's more to the story than Jackie's shiny red devil costume. Stay tuned for confessions, flashbacks, basement bickering, and a non-lethal dose of Kelso's sword!_

Thanks for Reading! Reviews are appreciated!


	2. Part 2 of 2

Recap: Chaos ensued after the gang made their way to a Halloween party in Kenosha. Fez took off after a little kid who stole his candy in high-heels, Kelso went missing, Eric ran off in freight, Jackie and Hyde got locked in a basement, and…_Maybe you should just read Part 1. I wrote a lot of stuff there…_

Disclaimer: I haven't acquired the rights to _That '70s Show_ since Part 1, so I still don't own anything.

**She's the Devil**

**Part 2 of 2**

* * *

_Early Morning- Saturday, November 1__st__, 1980_

_Kenosha, Wisconsin_

_Haunted Mansion Basement_

"Jackie? What's the matter?" Hyde called from the foot of the stairs. "Someone's bound to come by eventually. We just have to wait…"

"This is all wrong!" she cried, not listening to him. She continued pounding on the door in alarm. "This wasn't part of the plan!"

Hyde froze. "Plan? What plan?"

Jackie stilled and went quiet.

"Jackie? _What plan?_"

Jackie slowly turned to him, guilt written all over her face. "_Plan?_ Who said anything about a plan?" she asked airily, absently looking around. "I didn't say anything about a plan. Steven, you must be hearing things."

_Man, she really knew how to try his patience. _

Hyde crossed his arms and fixed the lying brunette with a deadly stare. "Jackie, I distinctly heard you say 'This wasn't part of the plan.' Now tell me what the hell you were talking about."

Jackie winced at his harsh tone. "Okay, I may have said something about a plan," she reluctantly admitted. She fidgeted nervously. "I-I…I was referring to my new hair care regimen. Yeah, _that's it._ You see, it's this new shampoo I'm trying. I have to wash my hair every night before midnight. Otherwise, my hair will turn out all flat and listless like Donna's. That's why I need to get out of this basement. So I can go and…uh…wash my hair." She nodded at him as if she thought this was perfectly logical reasoning for her behavior.

Hyde stared blankly at her. "Jackie, that's bull."

"No, really. I'm in the midst of a hair care emergency! If we don't get out of this basement soon, it might suddenly collapse—"

Hyde was not in the mood to be trifled with by a ninety-five pound former cheerleader. "Jackie, shut the hell up about your hair and get your cute butt down here and tell me the truth!"

Jackie's eyes sparkled. "Wait. You think I have a cute butt—"

"JACKIE! Get the hell down here before I MAKE you come down!"

"Okay, Steven. I'm coming. _Geez._ I don't know why you're making such a big fuss…" She tentatively made her way down the basement steps to face him.

He met her with a cold expression. "Well…?"

Jackie uncharacteristically seemed to be at a loss for words. "I…I…Steven, wouldn't you rather talk about this later?" she asked, side-stepping the issue. She flipped her hair back and struck an enticing pose, highlighting how good she looked in her devil costume. "I don't feel much like talking right now," she meaningfully added with a seductive smile, "I'd much rather be doing something else…"

_Crap._ She looked so…dangerously hot in that devil costume. He almost wanted to forget the whole thing and make out with her.

_Must. look. away. from. the. devil._

Hyde quickly averted his gaze. "Jackie, I know what you're doing and it's not going to work."

Jackie unhappily stuck out her bottom lip. "But Steven, it's nothing. There's no good reason we need to talk about this now," she whined.

"Why? You got somewhere to be?" he sarcastically quipped. He motioned to their surroundings. "Jackie, we're locked in a basement. The only company you have besides me is the spinning head chick from _The Exorcist _and those two plastic skeletons from the coffins, who you'll be joining if you don't open that big mouth of yours and tell me what exactly it is your hiding." He cocked his head to the side. "Besides, if it's _nothing_ then you should have no problem telling me," he reasoned.

Jackie went rigid. "Okay, I'll tell you everything," she bravely told him before immediately backtracking to cowardly territory. "Right after you promise you won't be mad…"

"Jackie, how can I promise I won't be mad?" he asked. He stared down at the nervous-looking brunette. "I'm already getting mad…"

"No, no…_don't do that_." She urgently held out her hands as if she could physically prevent him from getting mad.

"Then I suggest you start filling me in on this so-called plan."

Jackie frowned at him. "Well, at least promise me you won't break up with me afterwards. We just got back together like a half hour ago. If you break up with me now, I'll be even more pathetic than Fez when I dumped him after only two weeks," she selfishly demanded.

Incredulous, Hyde unfolded his arms. "Maybe this whole thing was a mistake," he harshly bit out. "You're still as manipulative as ever. Clearly, you didn't mean all that crap about trust and being truthful—"

"No! Steven! I did mean it!" she desperately cried. "Really! I want our relationship to work! I want to be honest with you…" she trailed off, realizing her own words. She sighed heavily. "Okay, Steven. You win. I'll tell you everything…"

Hyde refolded his arms and waited for her to continue.

Silence.

Jackie was currently staring at the caskets in the middle of the room, a faraway look in her eyes.

"Jackie?" he implored.

Silence.

"_Jackie?_"

Silence.

"JACKIE!" Hyde hollered, drawing her from her reverie. "When exactly are you planning on telling me everything? Next week?"

Startled, Jackie turned to Hyde with the most open, vulnerable expression he had ever seen…

Damn._ Why were his sunglasses buried in her cleavage again?_

"Steven, I need you to know I meant all that stuff I said," she spoke in a soft but clear voice. "You mean so much to me, Steven. I want to make this relationship work." She took a deep breath before continuing. "And I will try to be truthful and less manipulative…_in the future._"

_What the…?_

Hyde was confused where the hell she was going with this. So he asked, "Jackie, where the hell are you going with this?"

He was unprepared for the shrilly onslaught that followed…

"STEVEN, I PLANNED EVERYTHING!" she suddenly shrieked in such a high pitch, dogs must have heard her for a miles around.

Hyde put his hands to his ears and winced. "Damn! Jackie! Are you trying to split my head open?" He shot her a dirty look and noticed that mouth of hers was still yapping away, but he couldn't hear her…

Jackie finished speaking and impatiently tapped her foot. "Steven, didn't you hear what I said?"

"Jackie, my ears are too busy ringing right now to hear much of anything."

"_I said_ I planned everything that happened tonight," she huffed in aggravation.

"Huh?" was his enlightened response.

Jackie frowned. "Steven, don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

He shook his head.

Jackie stomped her foot in frustration. "Steven! Everything that happened tonight happened because of me! It was all MY doing! What don't you understand?"

Hyde was _still_ confused. "Jackie, I'm sure what you said makes sense inside that overly hair-sprayed head of yours, but I need you to be more clear. What exactly do you mean when you say 'everything happened' because of you?"

"I mean… the party…Fez…Kelso…Eric…the basement…_everything_…" She pointed towards herself. "I orchestrated it ALL!" she cried in dramatic fashion.

Hyde raised an eyebrow. "You orchestrated it all?" he questioned with heavy skepticism.

Jackie's jaw tightened in indignation. "Yes. I did. It was all planned out," she said through clenched teeth.

"You make it sound like you're some evil mastermind," he scoffed.

"Steven, I _am_ an evil mastermind!"

"Uh huh…and Kelso's becoming a member of Mensa any day now."

Jackie growled at him. "Steven! I'll have you know I am _so_ an evil mastermind!" She began looking wildly around the room, until her eyes landed on something…

Hyde followed her line of sight…

"No, you don't! You stay the hell away from that pitchfork!" he cried as she lunged for the red, shiny object on the floor. He grabbed her by the shoulders and physically pulled her away from the pitchfork.

"Steven!" she squealed.

"Jackie, I can't hold a conversation with you when your pointing a pitchfork at my balls," he explained as he released his hold on her.

Jackie crossed her arms and began to pout. "Steven, I don't understand why you don't believe me. You even said earlier I was evil when I distracted you during those crappy movies you wanted to see," she pointed out.

Hyde rolled his eyes. "Jackie, there's a difference between doing evil and being an evil mastermind. Distracting me by jumping me during a movie—_which was not crappy by the way_—is doing evil. Being an evil mastermind requires a high amount of patience and forethought." He smirked. "Take, for instance, the time I talked Forman into attempting to steal Red's beer so that he would get caught, and I could actually steal Red's beer while he was busy sticking his foot up Forman's ass. That was a highly thought out and carefully enacted plan to burn Forman. That's what makes _me_ an evil mastermind." He eyed her critically. "You expect me to believe all of this evening's unfortunate events are due to some evil plot you concocted?"

"YES!" Jackie emphatically answered.

He sighed wearily. "Jackie, everything that happened tonight happened because our friends are morons. Donna had a brain-freeze and thought this whole Halloween trip was good idea. Fez has gender issues and took off after a kid who stole his candy on high-heels. Kelso probably wandered off in the dark and stabbed himself with his own sword. Forman should have been born a girl and ran off in freight like the pansy he is. _You _didn't do all that."

"But, Steven, I DID do all that!" She put her hands on her hips in protest. "Seriously, I—"

"Jackie, it doesn't make sense," Hyde irritably cut off. "Let's hypothetically say you did do all that. _Why_ would you do all that?"

Jackie looked at him as if he'd just surpassed Kelso in the stupid department. "To be with you" was her simple answer.

Hyde was stunned. "To be with me?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Jackie, I don't understand…"

She sighed. "You wouldn't. You have such incredibly low self-esteem from being poor most of your life—"

"I do not have low self-esteem—"

"That's why you hide your emotions by acting Zen—"

"Jackie, that's crap. I have no emotions and I _am_ Zen—"

"Don't worry. I'll help with your crippled feelings later—"

"I don't need help. I need to get out of this basement—"

"But before that, let me explain what really happened so you can understand…"

* * *

***FLASHBACK***

_A Week Earlier…_

_Point Place, Wisconsin / Madison, Wisconsin_

_Jackie's Apartment / Eric and Donna's Apartment _

"Going to the mall with Eric was a huge mistake. There was this Star Wars display, and I had to literally drag him away. It was embarrassing. I don't understand why he wanted to buy another lightsaber anyway—"

"Donna, as much as I love hearing about what a pathetic super-geek your boyfriend is," Jackie sarcastically cut off her red-headed friend, whom she was to speaking to over the phone. "There are more important things to discuss. Like my wardrobe."

She then proceeded to go into a lengthy tirade about Calvin Klein jeans…

"You know, I look _so_ much better in them then that bitch Brooke Shields. Seriously, Calvin Klein should hire me instead of her—"

"_Jackie,_" Donna wearily broke in after about twenty minutes, "My hand has gone numb from holding the phone in place so long. I think we should cease talking about shopping. In fact, maybe we should cease talking altogether. Explain to me again why we have to spend hours on the phone every week…"

Jackie rolled her eyes, though her friend couldn't see her. "Well, Donna, if you would get your big lumberjack butt over to Point Place once in a while, we wouldn't have to talk on the phone so much." She sighed. "Seriously, Donna, it's been forever since I've seen you and Eric. Don't you think it's about time you came to visit?"

"Gee, Jackie, you sound like you actually miss us," Donna teased.

Silence.

"Oh my God! Jackie! You actually miss us!"

"No! Of course not!" Jackie refuted a bit too quickly. "I just…I just need a less attractive female to hang out with so people can appreciate my beauty properly," she insisted. "Yeah, hanging out with Steven all the time isn't the same. He's so scary most guys are afraid to even look at me when I'm with him."

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot you and Hyde have been all buddy-buddy since we've been gone," Donna replied in an amused tone. "How's that going?"

"_Going?_" emphasized the now-annoyed brunette. "It's not _going_ anywhere. He growls at any guy that comes near me, but acts like he doesn't want to be near me at the same time. He's too confusing. Plus, hanging out with him is guaranteeing that I'm never gonna get a date. Donna, I'm going to die an old maid!"

"Don't you think you're being a bit dramatic?" asked Donna.

"Dramatic? Me? Donna, I'm _never_ dramatic," Jackie pronounced in an overly dramatic manner. At Donna's loud scoff, "Look, as far as Steven goes, only drastic action will get his attention. I'm not being dramatic. I'm being practical," she explained. Shaking her head, "Let's not dwell anymore on my scruffy ex-boyfriend," she suggested. "Don't you miss having the gang all together?"

Donna paused for a moment. "Yeah, I really do miss having all the gang together," she wistfully admitted. "Things haven't been the same since Eric and I went to Madison. I'd love to come back and see everyone, but I don't think we could get everyone together unless there was something exciting going on in Point Place."

Jackie smiled deviously. "Yeah, there's absolutely nothing exciting going on in Point Place," she stated with convincing aloofness. "There's this big Halloween party in Kenosha next weekend, but other than _that_ there's absolutely nothing going on."

"Really? A Halloween party?" Donna asked, clearly intrigued.

"Yeah, and there's supposed to be this lame haunted mansion next door," Jackie added. "But you wouldn't be interested in that, _would you?_" Jackie bit her lip in anticipation.

"Jackie? Are you kidding? A Halloween party would be the perfect excuse to get all the gang together!" Donna answered excitedly.

"I don't know…" Jackie trailed off, pretending to mull over the idea. "Do you really think the guys would want to come? I mean, it's required to wear a costume to get in."

"They won't have a choice! I'll threaten to kick their asses if they don't come!" declared Donna, getting fired up. She paused. "The only one who might be a problem is Hyde…"

"Oh, Steven's easy," Jackie dismissed with surprising conviction. "Just threaten to tell Mrs. Forman what really happened to her alcohol stash on the Fourth of July. I guarantee he'll come."

"Really? That'll work?" Donna asked, sounding impressed. She then curiously furthered, "What _did_ happen to Mrs. Forman's alcohol stash on the Fourth of July?"

"It's not important," Jackie stated evasively. "What is important is it will work."

"Alright, then! Eric and I will be back next weekend for a Halloween party with the gang! This is awesome! It'll be just like old times!" cheered an overly-excited Donna. She paused. "We're going to have to get costumes at the last minute though…"

"Don't worry, Donna. I'm sure you'll find something that'll fit your mannish figure. If all else fails, you could always be an Amazon woman," Jackie advised.

"Thanks, Jackie," Donna responded dryly.

"No problem," Jackie told her. She then squealed in excitement. "Oh my God! Donna! Wait until you see my Halloween costume! You and everyone else is going to pale in comparison! I bought it early _just in case_…"

Donna listened as Jackie went on a tirade about how "wicked hot" she was going to look in her costume…

"Jackie, you won't believe how relieved I am to hear you'll be the best looking girl in Wisconsin. I think I'll finally be able to sleep at night," Donna sarcastically commented.

"Donna, I don't think you realize the magnitude of what I'm telling you. No guy is going to be able to resist me in that costume. Least of all Ste—"

"That's great, Jackie, but…uh…I think I hear Eric calling me…_What's that Eric? You need me to help you with something?_" Donna interjected in what was clearly a desperate attempt to escape the conversation. "I better go," she told Jackie, "The last time Eric called for help, someone stole our silverware. I'll see you next weekend. Bye, Jackie."

"_Bye, _Donna." Jackie smirked in triumph as she hung up the phone. "God, some people are so easy to manipulate."

***END FLASHBACK***

* * *

"You see? Coming here was _my_ idea," Jackie explained to Hyde. "All I had to do was use a little reverse psychology on Donna and it made it seem that convincing everyone to come here was her idea."

Hyde stared at the devious brunette. "So it's _your_ fault I was blackmailed into wearing a pirate costume and coming to this stupid place."

"Yep," Jackie cheerfully answered. She then took on a thoughtful expression. "You know, Donna thinks she's so smart going to college and whatnot, but let me to tell you, I played that lumberjack like a fiddle."

Hyde nodded in agreement. "I admit I'm disappointed in Donna. I think all the time she's spending with Forman is dumbing her down."

Jackie shrugged, looking up at him. "So _now_ do you believe that I planned everything?"

Hyde stared stoically down at the petite girl, not ready to give in. "I'll reserve judgment on that until I hear the full story. I'm still inclined to think tonight's disastrous events had more to do with our friends being morons than you being an evil mastermind."

"_Fine,_" she huffed. She took a deep breath and continued her story. "Obviously, Donna did her job and convinced everyone—_including you_—to come to the Halloween party before I arrived tonight." Hyde scowled at her, but she ignored him. "So all I had to do was look stunning in my costume and make sure we all made it to the party. Why do you think I didn't participate in the circle?"

"I thought you were too taken with yourself in the mirror."

Jackie rolled her eyes. "_No._ Although I am ridiculously attractive, I was actually making sure we left on time and didn't stay in the circle all night," she explained. "Once we arrived at the party, I had to find a way to get rid of our friends—"

"Wait a second," Hyde interrupted, a thought having struck him.

"What is it, Steven?"

He narrowed his eyes. "How did_ you_ know what happened to Mrs. Forman's alcohol stash on the Fourth of July?"

Jackie smirked at him. "I know lots of things, Steven," she answered mysteriously. "Now, do you want to hear the rest of my story? I thought you'd be interested to know what _really_ happened to Fez…"

* * *

***FLASHBACK***

_Much, Much Earlier that Evening…_

_Outside the Haunted Mansion_

"Yeah, you go ahead. I'm just going to fix my make-up," Jackie said, pulling out her compact.

Hyde observed her through his shades. "Is something wrong?"

"No. Nothing's wrong. _Nothing _at all," she answered, pronouncing the words with venom.

Jackie looked into the mirror of her compact and watched as he hastily exited the van. Once Hyde was out of sight, she snapped the compact shut and looked around…

Her eyes landed on a group of kids that were hanging out near the site of the party. Stealing a cautious glance toward the front of the haunted mansion where the rest of the gang had gathered, Jackie got out of the van and made her way towards the group of young boys.

She flipped her hair back and shot a winning smile in the kids' direction. The boys all looked at bit stunned at her presence.

A short kid with dark hair stepped forward. Clearly, he was the ringleader of the group. "Hey there, toots. What's a hot devil like you doing over here?"

"Just thought I'd come over and see what you kids are doing here," she answered sweetly.

The boy immediately glowered at her. "We're _not_ kids. And we have every right to be here," he stated fiercely.

Jackie frowned. "_Please._ How old are you? Like, ten?"

"_Twelve_," the ringleader snapped defensively.

Jackie gave him a disbelieving look.

"I'm small for my age," he bitterly explained.

Jackie scoffed. "Okay, Mr. Man," she said mockingly. "If you're so grown up, how come you're all standing outside here instead of going into the party?"

The boys all shifted awkwardly until a slight, blonde kid piped up. "They wouldn't let us in. They said we were too young."

"_Shut your trap,_" the ringleader hissed, silencing his friend. He turned to Jackie. "We didn't want to go to some lame party anyway."

"Oh," Jackie said, looking at her nails with faux interest. "So, then, you wouldn't be interested in knowing how to get into the party?"

"_Are you serious?_" the blonde kid piped up again.

"Of course we want to know!" another boy amongst the group exclaimed.

"What did I JUST say?" the little ringleader barked. "Now shut your trap! ALL of you!" He gave Jackie a shrewd look. "So, are you going to tell us how to get into the party?"

Jackie looked up from her nails. "I could," she stated slyly. "As long as you do something for me…"

"And what would that be?"

Jackie pointed her pitchfork in the direction of the haunted mansion, where her friends were standing. "You see that foreign kid who is dressed like a girl and clutching a bag of candy in front of the haunted mansion? I want you to steal his candy and keep it away from him as long as possible."

The boy looked indignant. "I told you, we're _not_ kids. I don't need to steal candy—"

"It has nothing to do with your age, you undersized brat," Jackie cut off. "I need you to distract the foreign guy for me." She gave him a hard look. "Don't you want to know how to get into the party?"

The kid made a face, seemingly in deep thought. "Alright. I'll steal the foreign guy's candy if you tell us how to get into the party, but I want something else too."

Jackie narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "What's that?"

"A kiss."

"A _kiss?_" Jackie gasped in surprise.

"That's right. A kiss on the lips," the boy answered smugly. "You might think I'm young, but I'm certainly not blind. You're one HOT chick. A kiss from you is going to get me bragging rights for _years_."

Jackie surveyed the boy warily before smirking. "Alright, kid. I'll kiss you," she agreed. "I can't blame you. I _am _hot." She rolled her eyes as the group of boys began whooping in triumph. "But you better do a good job of stealing my friend's candy, kid," she warned.

"I will," ringleader boy cockily assured her, "and I am _not_ a kid." He paused. "Now about getting into the party…"

"I believe Jake Stone is the doorman for this party, correct?" questioned Jackie.

"Yep. And he's a real tool."

"True." Jackie nodded in agreement. "But he's your way in. You threaten him that you'll tell his girlfriend Linda what he was doing with Sandy Marshall two weeks ago in the girl's bathroom at the Hub, and he'll let you in. I guarantee it."

Ringleader boy's eyes went wide. "Whoa! _Really?_"

"Really." Jackie winked.

"Awesome!" The kid then cleared his throat. "Now about that kiss…"

Jackie rolled her eyes…

She then leaned in and gave the kid a short, light kiss. When she leaned back, the kid looked kind of dazed. She smirked before getting down to business. "Alright, I'm going to join my friends . Wait about a minute before you swoop in and steal my foreign friend's candy. Got it?" she barked. At his nod, she turned and started walking away…

After a few steps, she turned back. "Oh, and if you see a really klutzy Zorro or a twerpy guy dressed like the Professor from _Gilligan's Island_ at the party, feel free to pelt them with the candy."

She then headed to join the rest of the gang in front of the haunted mansion…

***END FLASHBACK***

* * *

Hyde's jaw dropped. "Jackie! _You kissed a twelve-year-old?_ Isn't that, like, illegal or something?"

Jackie gave him an exasperated look. "I had to! I needed to get rid of Fez for my plan to work!"

Hyde shook his head. "Whatever," he said gruffly. "The kid was quite a little hustler, though. Have to give him credit. I'll still kill him if I see him though…"

"Steven!" Jackie squealed in delight. "You're jealous!"

Hyde tightened his jaw. "I'm not jealous."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"_Yes,_ you are," she said again, grinning. "Aww, baby, you don't need be jealous. You're the only one I want." He looked away from her, but she continued to smile. A thought then seemed to strike her. "Hey, Steven, since you're jealous, does that mean you forgive me for setting things up tonight?"

Hyde tried to ignore the fact that she was batting her eyelashes at him. "That depends," he bit out.

"On what?"

"On how many other guys you offered yourself to in the process."

"Steven!" she cried in indignation. "I gave a kid one measly little kiss so he would do what I wanted. And it worked, didn't it? It got Fez out of the way. You can't say my plan wasn't brilliant."

Hyde shifted his weight slightly. "I admit that having some kid steal Fez's candy was…a pretty good burn."

"Just pretty good?" she pried. "Not worthy of an evil mastermind?"

"I wouldn't go that far," Hyde stated decisively.

Jackie pouted. "Steven, I don't think you understand how hard I worked to get you alone. You haven't been very complimentary. You hardly said anything about my outfit—"

"Jackie, why don't you use that overly-talkative mouth of yours to continue with the story?" Hyde asked, though it sounded more like a demand.

Jackie glared at him but picked up with the story nonetheless. "So, after I got rid of Fez, we went into the haunted mansion. I don't know if you remember Jason. He was dressed as Romeo. He greeted us when we came in—"

"Don't tell me you offered yourself to him too?" Hyde broke in, unfolding his arms and stepping towards her.

"Steven! Don't be ridiculous. That's not what happened at all…"

* * *

***FLASHBACK***

_Much Earlier that Evening…_

_Inside the Haunted Mansion_

A tall, good-looking man with blonde hair approached the gang. "Hey, Jackie," the man greeted. He looked her up and down. "Great devil costume."

Jackie's whole face lit up. "Thanks, Jason. I love your Romeo outfit," she beamed with a girlish giggle. "Can I talk to you in private?" she asked, grabbing his arm and dragging him off before he could answer.

"Jackie, you're going to rip my Romeo costume if you keep pulling that hard," he protested.

"_Shhhh,_" she hissed, ignoring the reluctant Romeo's complaints until she was out of earshot from the rest of the gang.

"Jackie, what's up?" Jackie's manhandled victim asked once she finally released him. "Why didn't you introduce me to your friends?" He nodded in the direction of the gang. "So which one is _he?_ The tall, good-looking one?"

Jackie followed his line of sight. "_Michael?_ No. He's a totally different ex-boyfriend." She watched as Kelso attempted to strike dashing poses in the hallway mirror and scrunched up her nose. "It's the scruffy guy I'm concerned with," she clarified, motioning towards Hyde.

"You must be awfully fond of him if you went to this much trouble to be with him," Jason commented. He looked quizzically at Hyde. "You know, I never would have thought he was your type. He seems so—"

"_Badass?_" Jackie finished with pride. "Yeah, I know." She took on a wistful expression. "Steven and I always did have a creepy and unnatural relationship. It was so dirty and wrong and…so…so…_hot._"

Jackie received a strange look from the Romeo-attired Jason, but she was too lost in thought to notice.

"Um…_right,_" Jason tried, clearing his throat.

Jackie continued to ignore his presence.

Jason waved a hand in front of her face. "Jackie? Can you quit daydreaming about badass boy so we can focus here? You're the one who blackmailed me into helping you trap the guy. We need to figure out our next plan of action."

"Huh?" she asked distractedly. Then, coming to her senses, "Hey! I'm not trapping Steven into anything! He wants to be with me…He just won't admit it," she heatedly argued. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "And I wouldn't say I blackmailed you…"

"You threatened to tell my father I prefer boys over girls if I didn't throw this Halloween party at my house and help you setup your scruffy ex-boyfriend over there," he reiterated. "If that isn't blackmail, what is it?"

Jackie had the good grace to look guilty…if only slightly. "Okay, fine," she huffed in annoyance. "I admit it. I blackmailed you. So what?" She put one hand on her hip, while the other pointed her pitchfork at the blackmailed Romeo. "But I had good reason to blackmail you. If I don't take drastic action, Steven's going to take forever to admit his true feelings for me…_if ever_. I'm not getting any younger! I refuse to die an old maid!"

"Jackie, you're twenty years old—"

"I know! Before you know it, I'll be twenty-five and my life will be over!" she cried, waving her pitchfork about. She then composed herself and pointed at Jason. "And if you didn't want anyone blackmailing you then you shouldn't have gone into that broom closet with that cute lawyer guy during my dad's trial…_during which_ your bastard of a father testified against my dad to save his own ass," she lectured.

"You're right…but he _was_ cute," Jason sighed. "And my father is a bastard." He ran a hand through his hair. "Sometimes I want to tell him about my…preferences. I'd love to see his face."

"That's great, Jason. You should do that," Jackie flippantly responded. "Right _after_ you help me with Steven…"

Jason rolled his eyes. "Alright. What's the plan?"

Jackie happily let her accomplice in on her evil plan. "The plan is for me to lose the rest of my loser friends and then 'accidentally' get locked in a room with Steven. Once I'm alone with Steven, it'll only be a matter of time before he can't resist me…especially in this costume."

Jason looked her over approvingly. "You do look good in that costume. Being the devil suits you."

Jackie winked at him seductively.

"You're still not my type though," Jason joked. Turning serious, "I suppose I could lock you in the basement, but how are you going to lose the rest of your friends?"

"Don't worry about them. Leave those morons to me," Jackie told him. "_You_ just keep tabs on us and make sure Steven and I get locked in the basement once I lead him down there."

"Okay, I will," Jason agreed. "You're such a little thing, but you're so bossy." Jackie glared at him, and he held his hands up in surrender. "Hey! I'm the one doing your bidding here! When do you want me to let you out of the basement?"

Jackie bit her lip in concentration. "You better wait until after midnight. It might take a while for Steven to come around. Just slip the key under the door or something."

"Sure thing. I don't want to be around when you two get out of there." He glanced over at Hyde, who was glaring daggers at him. "Jackie, your badass boy isn't prone to violence, is he?"

Jackie peered over at Hyde and smirked in satisfaction. He looked like he wanted to throttle Jason. "Oh, don't worry about Steven. He's just jealous." She paused. "Don't get me wrong. He could kill you."

Jason looked alarmed.

"He won't, though," Jackie comforted. "I don't think…"

"Are you're sure you don't want to rethink this and go for the tall, good-looking one? He doesn't look like he'd kill anyone. And he'd be great to look at in bed…"

Jackie made a face. "You have the hots for Michael?"

"He is quite the looker. I don't suppose the two of you broke up because…"

"No," Jackie answered decisively. "He likes girls. Far _too_ much, actually. That was the problem."

"Too bad."

"Yeah…" Jackie trailed off distractedly. "Look, I better get going. I've got three friends to lose and an ex-boyfriend to lock myself in a basement with."

Jason appeared amused. "But, of course, you're _not_ trapping him."

Jackie shot him a dirty look. "I'm not," she asserted, "but I don't feel the need to explain any further to you. You just do as you're told."

"I will. Just make sure badass boy doesn't find out my involvement in this plan of yours. I value my life."

Jackie shrugged. "He won't find out. Why would he?" She paused. "You know, I don't think Michael will go for it, but you can always try to take advantage of him when he's drunk later at the party," she suggested.

Jason smiled. "Thanks."

Jackie smiled back before turning serious. "Watch out for Michael's sword, though. He might accidently kill you with it."

With that parting warning, Jackie left the Kelso-loving Romeo and sashayed her way back over to her friends, who appeared deep in discussion…

***END FLASHBACK***

* * *

"So, that's what happened…" Jackie finished lamely.

"I thought you were flirting with that Romeo guy," Hyde stated curtly. "Turns out he's hot for Kelso and you were plotting to trap me the whole time. What the hell is going on tonight?"

"I was _not_ plotting to trap you," Jackie defended.

Hyde motioned to their surroundings. "Jackie, you had us locked in a basement," he pointed out. "Perhaps in the Official Dictionary of Cheerleaders, the word 'trap' has a different meaning," he continued sarcastically, "but for the non pom-pom inclined I'm pretty sure this would qualify as being trapped."

"No, Steven, you don't understand," Jackie told him in a surprisingly gentle voice. "I admit, I had us trapped in a basement, but it was never my intention to trap you into a relationship. I just wanted to be with you, and I was pretty sure you wanted to be with me too. But you're so stubborn, Steven. I knew I had to take drastic action to get you to admit how you felt about me."

"I see" was Hyde's only response.

"Steven…"

"_Don't,_" Hyde bit out, not wanting to hear her explain further.

Silence.

Hyde looked down at Jackie. "So this whole night really was some evil master plan you concocted?" he casually questioned.

Jackie gulped. "Uh…yeah…"

He was silent for a moment. "And you had absolutely no intention of telling me this whole night was your idea, did you?"

Jackie's eyes went wide. "No! Steven! I was going to tell you!"

Hyde raised an eyebrow. "_Really?_"

Jackie shifted uncomfortably. "Yes. _Really._ I was…" She looked away. "Just at a much later date."

"How much later?"

Silence.

"Jackie…?"

She mumbled something under breath.

"Jackie, I can't hear you…"

Jackie gave up all pretenses, throwing her hands up in defeat. "_I said_ after our wedding."

"W-Wedding?" Hyde sputtered in shock. "Don't you think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself?" He eyed the brunette suspiciously. "You don't already have our wedding all planned out too, do you?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" she cried, though her tone made him think she _did_ already have their wedding all planned out.

"I can't believe this," Hyde muttered angrily. "We haven't been back together for a whole day yet, and I already have to deal with this crap." He observed the troublesome brunette. "What the hell was I thinking getting back together with you?" he asked scathingly.

Jackie's eyes flashed dangerously. "What were you thinking?" she angrily spat back. "What were you thinking? I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT, STEVEN HYDE!"

"What are you talking about…_Hey! I told you to say the hell away from that!_"

Jackie had made a mad dash for her pitchfork and now had the shiny red weapon back in her clutches. She pointed it in his direction and smirked.

_Crap._

He held up his hands. "Jackie, don't do anything stupid—"

"Shut up, Steven," she commanded. "You're going to listen to me, and you're going to listen good. You got that?"

Hyde knew a losing battle when he saw one, and he was on the wrong end of the pitchfork. "Yeah, I got that," he responded.

Jackie lowered her pitchfork. Her eyes bored into his intensely. "Steven, you should be thrilled that someone as hot as I am would go through so much trouble to be with you! Everything I did tonight, I did for _us_…and don't say you didn't want there to be an 'us' because I know you did! I manipulated Donna for _us._ I kissed a little kid so he would steal Fez's candy for _us._ I blackmailed Jason into throwing a party and locking us in a basement for _us._ Heck, I subjected Michael to God knows what for _us._ You mean so much to me, Steven. Can't you see that?"

Silence.

Jackie slumped her shoulders at Hyde's lack of response to her heated rant and turned away.

Hyde didn't know what to make of everything. Jackie always was trouble. But she had caused a lot of trouble for him. He didn't know if he should be pissed off or what…

"Hey, Jackie…?"

She looked at him with a curious expression. "Yeah…?"

"What the hell happened to Kelso?"

Jackie straightened and twirled her pitchfork wickedly. "Well…"

* * *

***FLASHBACK***

_Earlier that Evening…_

_Still Inside the Haunted Mansion_

Jackie looked thoughtful. "You know, she might be attractive if her make-up wasn't so terrible. She looked like the living dead!"

Donna looked at the smaller girl in confusion. "Jackie, she's a zombie. She's supposed to look like the living dead."

"Whatever," Jackie said dismissively. "That's no excuse. I'll be right back. I'm going to go talk to her about her make-up routine…"

Jackie ran off after the annoying zombie woman who had so rudely gotten into her face moments ago. After a short sprint down the darks hallways, she found the zombie in question.

"Hey! Zombie with bad make-up! Yeah, I'm talking to you!" she hollered, brandishing her shiny red pitchfork at the woman, who was now glaring at her.

"What do _you_ want?" the zombie woman bitched back.

"I need you to do me a favor," Jackie announced.

The zombie woman eyed Jackie with suspicion. "And why would I do you a favor?"

"Because I can get you something you want," Jackie smirked.

"And what's that?" the zombie woman asked, her voice loaded with skepticism.

"Michael," Jackie answered.

"Who?"

Jackie rolled her eyes. "Michael. The guy you slapped after he grabbed your butt."

The zombie woman made a face. "I don't want him."

"Yes, you do," Jackie maintained.

"No, I don't. Why would I want that jerk? He starting pawing at me without even asking—"

"Because that pawing got you all hot and bothered," Jackie cut off. Seeing the zombie woman was about to protest, she added, "Don't even think about denying it. I saw the look you gave him. Believe me, I can tell when someone's interested."

The zombie woman appeared distressed. "I'm not interested…" she feebly protested.

A knowing smile appeared on Jackie's face. "He thinks you're hot, you know," Jackie informed her. "I'm not sure why," she added, "You're a major mess with all that ugly make-up you've got on."

The zombie woman glared at her, but looked thoughtful. "_Really?_ He thinks I'm hot?" she asked.

"Uh-huh," Jackie lazily replied as if she had no real interest in the conversation. "So, are you gonna help me or what?"

"What would I have to do?" the zombie woman asked warily. "And how can you get me that guy?"

"Actually, it's all the same thing really," Jackie told her. "I want you to take Michael."

"Take him?"

"Yeah. You know…like, kidnap him."

"Excuse me? You want me to _what?_"

Jackie sighed in exasperation. "_Please._ Like kidnap is a big deal." Jackie put a hand on her hip. "Do you know where the fuse box is in the house?"

"I think so…"

Jackie nodded approvingly. "Good. I'm going to lead all of my friends to that room over there." She pointed her pitchfork towards a room down the hallway. "Just turn off the power and then sneak into the room and drag Michael out."

The zombie woman frowned. "But what if he fights back?"

Jackie brandished her pitchfork in a dismissive motion. "He might try, but you can easily overpower him. _Trust_ me."

The zombie woman didn't look like she wanted to trust someone who was dressed like the devil. "How would I know where he is in the room? It'll be pitch-black after I shut the power off."

Jackie thought for a moment. "I know!" she finally exclaimed. "I'll make sure I'm standing to the right of Michael. I'll alert you to where I am so you can take him."

"How will you alert me?"

"Let's see…It has to be something subtle…" Jackie scrunched up her face in concentration before she snapped her fingers. "Got it! Listen carefully. When it comes time for you to kidnap Michael I'm going to yell out 'Michael! Get your hand off my butt!' really loud."

A confused expression took hold of the zombie woman's face. "How is _that_ subtle?"

"Trust me," she said again. "I know Michael. I'm going to be next to him in a dark room. It will be subtle…and necessary."

The zombie woman still looked worried. "What about…Isn't this…" she sputtered uneasily. "How can I force him?"

"Don't worry. Once he finds himself alone with you, he'll be willing," Jackie assured. "So, what do you say? Will you do it?"

Silence.

"Okay…I'll do it."

Jackie smiled brightly at the zombie woman. "Great!" She paused, studying the less-attractive woman. "You know, I could help you with your make-up…"

About ten minutes later, Jackie snapped her compact shut and admired her handiwork. "That's _so_ much better. You don't look like you're dead anymore."

"But I'm supposed to look dead—"

"Whatever," Jackie cut off with disinterest. She looked at the now not-so-ugly zombie woman. "Time for me to get back, and for you to go shut off the power," she announced, turning away.

"Hey!" the zombie woman called. "Aren't you afraid of what I'm going to do to your friend after I kidnap him?"

Jackie turned back. "Nope," she answered easily, without a trace of guilt. "Not my concern. Torture him. Tie him up. Whatever. My concern is elsewhere…"

Jackie was about to leave when a thought struck her. "It might be a good idea to rid Michael of his sword when you kidnap him," she advised.

She then turned and made her way back through the dark hallways...

***END FLASHBACK***

* * *

"You had that zombie chick kidnap Kelso?" an astonished Hyde asked.

She nodded.

Hyde fought to keep the grin off his face. "_Nice._"

Jackie arched an eyebrow. "So, you're not mad about that?"

"Why would I be mad about that?" Hyde responded. "That's one hell of a burn. No, I'm not mad about _that._" He paused. "If I was going to be mad about anything, it would be that you set this whole night up in order to trap me into another relationship with you."

"Steven, I did not trap—"

"Jackie, I don't want to hear it right now," he broke in. "Right now, I'm just going to entertain myself by thinking of all the ways I can burn Kelso about getting kidnapped by a girl." He folded his arms, a sinister expression overtaking his features.

Jackie smiled weakly. "Alright, Steven," she acquiesced. She then brightened as if a light bulb had gone off above her highly-coiffed head. "Hey! I can provide you with even more burn material! Maybe once I tell you about Eric, you won't be mad—"

"Let me guess. You were the one who kept poking Forman in the dark," Hyde cut off.

She looked up at him in surprise. "How did you know?"

He motioned towards his eyes. "My night-vision is superior to that of a normal person. Remember?"

"Oh yeah…years of non-stop sunglass wearing," she remarked absently. She frowned slightly. "You mean, you could see what I was doing the whole time. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why would I say anything? I found your torture of Forman highly amusing," Hyde smirked.

"Yeah, Eric is pretty funny when he gets all panicky," Jackie acknowledged. "That wasn't why I did it, though. I knew the best way to get rid of Eric and Donna would be to scare Eric. God, he was so easy. I poked him in the butt with my pitchfork, and he went running like a girl."

Hyde shook his head in disgust. "Forman really should have been born a woman."

"Yeah, and Donna's definitely the man in that relationship. I can't believe they think _we're _the creepy and unnatural couple…"

Silence.

Jackie apprehensively cleared her throat. "Steven…?"

Hyde groaned. "Yeah…?"

"It's just…I guess you know everything…"

Hyde furrowed his brow. "Actually, there's one thing I don't understand."

"What's that?"

"How the hell did that Jason guy know when we were in the basement to lock us in?" he asked.

Jackie overtook a sheepish expression. "Uh…do you remember the guy with the chainsaw that did the severed head trick?"

"Yeah…"

"When you weren't looking I told him to go find Jason and tell him it was time," she hurriedly explained.

Hyde could not help but be…impressed. "Damn…I underestimated you. You really are an evil mastermind. You've manipulated everything and everyone here tonight to get what you want."

Jackie didn't seem to know how to take Hyde's affirmation. "Steven, tonight wasn't just about what I want—"

"Jackie—"

"No, Steven, let me finish. Tonight wasn't just about what I want. Tonight was about _us._ Maybe I was deceitful and manipulative, but you know what? I don't regret it, because if I hadn't done all this, then we may have never talked about how we truly felt. I love you, Steven. I never wanted to trap you. If you really don't want to be with me…" She took a deep breath, her voice close to breaking. "If you really don't want to be with me, then I'll let you go. It'll break my heart, but I'll let you go. I just want you to be happy, Steven. So, tell me, what do you _really _want?"

Having finished pouring her heart out, she looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. She was waiting for his response…

Silence.

"Steven?"

Silence.

"_Steven?_"

Hyde remained quiet. He simply stared searchingly into Jackie's eyes, his face giving away nothing.

"Steven," she begged. "_Say_ something"

He held back the urge to speak, watching as Jackie began fidgeting anxiously about in her devil costume. It was as if he was looking for something, but he didn't know what…

"Forman was right," he said finally. "You're the devil."

Jackie's face fell in horror, and she began to plea in desperation. "Steven! You can't be serious! Didn't you hear anything I said at all—"

"I heard you. Your shrilly voice is kind of hard to block out—"

"Then you're not listening close enough, because you don't seem to realize how much I love you—"

"Oh, I realize—"

"I know I haven't always done things right—"

"Jackie, stop talking—"

"But I can change—"

"Jackie, you don't understand—"

"No, you don't understand. I _know_ my faults—"

"Jackie, your piercing voice is giving me a headache—"

"I _know_ I'm a manipulative bitch—"

Hyde sighed, realizing it was his turn to take drastic action for the frustrating brunette. So, he did what he had to do…

"But you can't just throw everything away because I'm a manipulative bitch—"

…He kissed her with everything he had.

It took only a second before she instinctively kissed him back, her pitchfork clattering to the floor.

Caught up in his passionate embrace, Jackie was effectively shut up…momentarily. Once Jackie began to recover from the shock of the situation, however, she began yapping away again. "Steven…I…don't…understand…" she managed between kisses.

Hyde pulled back and looked her square in the eyes. "Jackie, shut your pie-hole."

He barely registered her nod as he pulled her lips toward his once again.

* * *

_15 minutes later…_

Hyde and Jackie pulled apart, both clearly short of breath.

Jackie's eyes fluttered open. "_Steven,_" she moaned breathlessly, "I thought you said I was the devil…"

Hyde smirked at her. "I did say you were the devil," he confirmed, finding her bewildered expression amusing, "but I never said that was a bad thing."

"It's not bad?"

"Oh, it's bad_._" Hyde grinned suggestively. "Very, _very_ bad. In fact, I think I should punish you for your misdeeds." He pulled her closer, giving her a tight squeeze.

"Steven!" she squealed in partial confusion and partial delight. She pulled away from him. "Be serious! I need to know what's going on! Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

"I just made out with you for fifteen minutes. Does it _seem_ like I'm mad at you?" Hyde facetiously responded.

Jackie glared at him, clearly not amused.

He sighed, realizing she wouldn't be pacified until he explained further. "Jackie, I was never really mad at you. If anything, I was mad at myself because I got played by a ninety-five pound former cheerleader." He shrugged. "I'm over it."

"You're over it?" Jackie questioned, sounding skeptical.

"Yeah. Look, the way I see it, tonight hasn't been all bad. Fez had his candy stolen while he was wearing a dress, Kelso was kidnapped by a zombie woman, and Forman disgraced himself in front of Donna because he got poked in the ass with a pitchfork." Hyde beamed at Jackie. "Congratulations. You've successfully managed to humiliate all our friends."

"So…you don't mind that we're currently locked in a basement?"

Hyde rolled his eyes. "It could be worse. While being locked in a basement with no seating isn't my idea of fun, and I don't like the idea that you manipulated me…_I guess it was worth it._" He rushed out his words at the end, hoping she didn't catch them…

She did.

"Oh, Steven, does that mean you think our relationship was worth it?" she gushed.

Hyde swore under his breath. "Jackie, haven't we had enough sappy discussions this evening?"

Jackie scowled. "Steven, you're ruining the moment." She flipped her hair back and sighed. "Look, I know you're no good at discussing feelings, and I want you to know I appreciate all the effort you've put in tonight. In return, I really will try to be less of a manipulative bitch—"

"Actually, it's okay," Hyde abruptly cut off.

Jackie's lips puckered in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Jackie, you _are_ a manipulative bitch. You can't change that," he stated bluntly. Seeing she was about to protest, he immediately added, "But I'm okay with you being a manipulative bitch. I'd just prefer you be less of a manipulative bitch towards me in the future. Our friends, on the other hand, feel free to manipulate them all you want. In fact, I encourage you to do so."

"Aww, Steven, you're so sweet," Jackie cooed.

Hyde grimaced. "I'm not. Don't ever let anybody hear you say that."

She smiled slightly before she leaned up and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I'm sorry I got us trapped in a basement," she said, lowering herself back down. "It's all Jason's fault! He was supposed to let us out of here!"

"To be fair, you did blackmail him by threatening to out him to his father. You might not be his favorite person," Hyde reasoned.

"What are we going to do?"

Hyde grinned. "I know what we can do."

Jackie frowned. "I thought you said we used up the last of your stash earlier."

"That's not what I was suggesting." He gave her a meaningful look.

"Then what were you suggesting?" she asked in confusion before looking up at him. "Oh!" she exclaimed as realization hit her. She looked about the room. "But there's no furniture down here. I am not doing it on the floor!"

"We don't have to do it on the floor."

"Then where…?"

Hyde's grin grew as he motioned towards the middle of the room.

Jackie's eyes went wide. "Steven, you _can't_ be serious…"

* * *

_1 hour later…_

"Who knew doing it in a casket would be such a turn on?" a now sweaty and naked Hyde remarked as he lay down in one of the caskets located in the middle of the basement with an equally sweaty and naked Jackie lying on his chest. The corpse bride that previously inhabited the casket was now discarded onto the floor.

"Steven, that was dirty and wrong," Jackie stated, looking up at him. "We should do it in coffins more often."

"Maybe we could steal one of these. There are two of them," Hyde suggested. "Do you think it would fit in the van?"

"Not unless we leave without our friends."

"I'm not opposed to that."

"I do have the keys to the van…"

Hyde nodded approvingly at the brunette in his arms. "Jackie, you're so badass." He leaned in and heatedly captured her lips before breaking apart from her. "But then again, so am I…"

As if out of nowhere, Hyde pulled out his sunglasses and put them on. "That's better."

Jackie's jaw dropped. "When did you steal your sunglasses back?"

A sly smile crossed Hyde's lips. "When you were too caught up in other things I was doing in the area you stashed them to notice."

Hyde was pleased to note the blush that rose to Jackie's cheeks. "Steven, you're so bad," she scolded.

"And don't you forget it," he replied. "Of course, I wouldn't have had to resort to carnal diversionary tactics if you hadn't stolen them in the first place."

"Steven, I had to take your sunglasses. Do you know how hard it is to have a serious conversation with you when I can't see what you're thinking?"

"Yes. _That's the point._"

Jackie scowled at him. "You're naked. Don't you think it's a bit ridiculous to be wearing your sunglasses now?"

"I'm making up for lost time." He suggestively raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying I don't look good naked with sunglasses on?"

Jackie flushed slightly and bit her lip in embarrassment. "No. Of course you look good—"

"Then there's no problem," he stated. "Besides, anything's better than that damn pirate costume," he added, not bothering to hide his loathing for said costume.

Jackie ran a hand seductively down Hyde's chest. "Why? I think you look sexy in it."

"Of course you do. I make anything look sexy," he boasted. "Doesn't change the fact that poufy pirate costumes are best left to men of a different persuasion…or Fez. I don't know what Donna was thinking buying that costume."

Jackie squirmed guiltily in Hyde's arms. "About that…"

* * *

***FLASHBACK***

_5 days ago…_

_Somewhere in Point Place_

Jackie's platform-clad feet made their way into _Harriet's Halloween Costumes & Supplies_. The petite girl put a hand on her hip and surveyed the store critically.

"HELLO? ISN'T ANYBODY GOING TO COME WAIT ON ME?" she bellowed in a loud, piercing voice.

A disgruntled-looking fortyish woman with mousy brown hair approached. "No need to be so loud, Miss," she gruffly berated. "I'm Harriet—"

"I don't care who you are," Jackie rudely cut off. She looked the woman up and down. "Are you the owner of this dump?" she asked in an accusing fashion.

The woman Jackie didn't care to know bristled. "Yes, I am. Can I help you look for a costume?"

Jackie scoffed at the notion. "God, no. I ordered my costume from New York _ages_ ago. It's way better quality than any of the crap you sell here."

Harriet abruptly ceased all attempts to be polite. "If you don't want to buy a costume, then what the hell do you want?"

Jackie flashed a big, fake smile at the woman. "I thought you'd never ask," she said cheerfully. "See _this?_" Jackie lifted the large clothing bag she was carrying. "_This_ is a pirate costume I bought a while back. You see, my friend Donna is going to come in here looking for a costume for a guy named Steven Hyde. What I want you to do is make sure you sell her _this_ pirate costume for him. I don't care what you have to do to make it happen. Hide all of the other men's costumes if you have to."

Harriet's eyes narrowed. "If you didn't see fit to shop here, how do you know your friend will?" the aggravated woman bit back.

"_Please._ Donna has no taste whatsoever. Of course she'll come here," Jackie answered. "Plus, this is the only Halloween shop in area." Jackie looked at the woman expectantly. "So, you're going to help me?" she asked, though it sounded more like a command.

"No," Harriet vehemently retorted. "I refuse to help some short little brat who won't even shop at my store."

"Really?" Jackie questioned in a dangerous tone. She smirked evilly at the woman. "Tell me. Do you think Point Place police would be interested in checking the green card status of all those foreign workers you have in the back?"

Harriet paled. "I don't know what you're talking about—"

"Let's just give them a call then, shall we?" Jackie suggested, turning to go find a phone.

"Wait!" a panicked Harriet called out.

Jackie turned back to the woman in triumph.

"What does your friend Donna look like?" Harriet asked, looking as if she had just sucked a lemon.

"Big. Tall. Red hair. Gives off a lumberjack vibe. You can't miss her," Jackie answered. She smiled brightly. "I'm so glad you decided to help me. _Here's_ the costume," she said, handing the costume over. "Now, remember, you _must_ sell this costume to Donna. Otherwise, I'm sure the Point Place police will be delighted to hear from me," she warned, sounding surprisingly chipper for having just blackmailed someone.

Jackie's platform-clad feet then made their way out of _Harriet's Halloween Costumes & Supplies_.

***END FLASHBACK***

* * *

"Jackie, I underestimated you…You are undeniably an evil mastermind," Hyde said in awe. "When did that happen?"

"I've always been an evil mastermind, Steven. People just don't realize it cuz I'm so cute." She gave him a would-be innocent expression. "I hope you're not mad about the pirate costume. You're way sexy in it," she purred, clearly trying to appeal to his vanity.

Hyde rolled his eyes. "What made you pick a pirate costume anyway?"

"It reminded me of the guy on the cover of that romance novel Fez is reading. The guy looks like he's about to ravish the woman on the cover. It's _so_ hot."

Hyde stared at her in shock. "You mean you made me into some frou-frou pirate so you could enact some fantasy from a trashy novel?"

_Damn. Jackie really is the devil._

"Do you hate the costume that much?" she asked in a small voice, sounding hurt.

Hyde groaned in defeat. "I guess it's not so bad. As long as I get to ravish you," he told her. "Besides, pirates are into death and destruction."

Jackie giggled and looked around the room. "Ugh! It feels like we've been in this basement forever," she whined. Her gaze turned back towards him. "So, what do you want to do now?"

Hyde grinned. "We could do it in the other casket."

* * *

_Another hour later…_

"That settles it. We're taking one of these caskets back with us," a still sweaty and naked Hyde remarked while lying in the other casket. The corpse groom was now discarded on the floor with his corpse bride.

"I know. That was like…the best sex ever," Jackie pronounced in amazement as she draped herself across Hyde's chest.

"Maybe the casket will fit in the van if we stuff Kelso and Fez inside of it," Hyde suggested.

Jackie shrugged. "That could work." She then made to get up from the coffin.

Hyde sat up and grabbed hold of her. "_Where are you going?_" he hissed in protest.

"I'm getting dressed," she answered, wiggling out of his embrace and exiting the coffin. "It's got to be pretty late. I'm surprised no one has walked in on us yet."

"If they did, they would have seen quite a show," Hyde remarked, lying back down in the casket. "You know, I can't believe you planned this whole elaborate scheme just to get back together with me," he commented.

"Yeah, well, you're worth it."

"Right," Hyde scoffed in disbelief.

"Steven, I know you have trouble believing that a beautiful, smart, and talented woman like me would go through so much for you, but you _are_ worth it."

_How the hell does she always know the right thing to say?_

Hyde abruptly sat up in the coffin to look at the little devil. "Jackie, I…" The words died on his lips. Jackie had _not _gotten herself dressed in that hot devil costume of hers…

"Jackie, why are you wearing a wedding dress?"

She at least had the sense to look slightly embarrassed. "I couldn't help it! Such a beautiful wedding dress was such a waste on that ugly plastic skeleton!" she childishly defended.

Hyde eyed her with purpose, not saying a word…

Jackie shifted under his gaze. "Steven?" she asked apprehensively.

He got out of the coffin he was sitting in and began to slowly make his way towards her…

"You're not mad, are you?"

He continued to stalk towards her…

"Look, I promise I'm not going to try and trap you into marriage this time—"

Her words were cut off by his mouth on hers. He fervently attacked her lips with his, and she instantly surrendered to the onslaught. Jackie and Hyde were both so caught up in each other's embrace, they failed to notice anything going on around them…

…such as the basement door swinging open.

"Oh my God! Jackie! I'm so sorry!" Jackie's Romeo-clad accomplice, Jason, exclaimed as he entered, presumably apologizing for locking them in the basement so long.

A naked Hyde and a wedding dress adorned Jackie jumped apart in surprise.

"Jason!" a shocked Jackie gasped.

"OH MY GOD! JACKIE! I'M SO SORRY!" Jason exclaimed again, presumably apologizing for walking in on them in such a_…_creepy and unnatural state.

Quickly overcoming her sense of modesty, Jackie scowled at the intruder. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING LEAVING US DOWN HERE SO LONG?" she hollered.

Jason shrank back from her loud, piercing voice. "_I'm sorry,_" he emphasized. "But I ended up running into your hot ex-boyfriend, Michael," he explained. "I saved him from being molested by some zombie woman at the party. Then, of course, I felt the need to comfort him over the whole ordeal. You know, that guy is as dumb as a rock, but he's one fine piece of—"

"In other words, you left us down here to rot while you hit on Kelso," Hyde interjected angrily. "I should kick your ass."

The man-loving Romeo's attention was now on Hyde. "Are you sure you want to do that in your current state?" he asked suggestively. His eyes were on the lower half of Hyde's body. "Jackie, you're a lucky girl. I see now why you went for him over the pretty boy."

Hyde looked down. He was still naked. _Crap._

Panicking, he searched the ground for an immediate source of coverage. He found it…in the form of his large, obnoxious pirate hat. Covering himself, he raged, "Listen, Romeo, I'd get the hell out of here if I were you! If I see you once I get my clothes on, I'll kick your ass! You're already overdue for an ass-kicking for going along with Jackie's harebrained scheme to trap me in the first place!"

The color drained from Jason's face. He turned to Jackie accusingly. "You told him?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, I've never been very good at keeping secrets from Steven anyway."

Jason gulped nervously. "You're not going to kill me, are you?"

Despite being completely naked except for a pirate hat covering his privates, Hyde managed to look menacing. "Do you want to stick around and find out?" he asked in a dangerous tone.

"No. I'll be going," Jason weakly responded. He then addressed Jackie. "So, we're good, right? I kept my part of the deal. You're not going to tell my dad about my…uh…preferences, are you?"

"Nah, we're good." Jackie shrugged again. "Until I need another favor…"

Jason looked disgruntled but took that as his cue to leave.

"Make sure you leave the door unlocked!" Hyde barked as Jason made his exit. He turned to Jackie. "Let's get dressed and get the hell out of this god-forsaken basement!"

Jackie didn't move. Hyde noticed she was staring at him with a hungry expression. "Steven, that was _so hot_ the way you yelled at Jason."

Hyde groaned. If they kept this up, they were never gonna get out of the damn basement…

He gave her a sharp look. "_Jackie_—"

"Alright, I'm getting dressed!" she squeaked.

As she began to get dressed, a thought suddenly occurred to Hyde. "Jackie, where are the keys to the van?"

"Why?"

"Because there's no way in hell I'm letting you drive after you nearly killed us all on the way over here." He held out his hand in anticipation for the keys.

"Ugh! That was Eric's fault!" she exclaimed defensively as she reluctantly handed him the keys. "If he hadn't been such an ass, I wouldn't have gotten so angry and lost control of the van!"

"Lost control? Jackie, you purposely swerved the van so hard we almost tipped over."

"Whatever," she huffed in aggravation. "You know, if Eric had half a brain, he would have kept his big mouth shut. He knows I could tell Donna what _really_ happened to their silverware set."

"I thought someone stole it from their apartment?"

"That's just the lame cover-up story Eric told Donna," Jackie revealed with a sly smile. "Eric actually sold the silverware to go buy _Star Wars_ figurines."

"Jackie, do you have blackmail on everyone?" he couldn't help but ask.

She nodded casually. "Pretty much."

"That's so badass." He then grabbed her by the back of the neck and yanked her upwards to join her lips with his, dropping his pirate hat in the process.

"_Steven,_" Jackie gasped, trying and failing to loosen herself from his hold. "We…should…get…going," she panted through his passionate kisses.

He grasped her tighter.

With surprising strength for such a little person, she retched herself away from him. "Steven!" she scolded.

Hyde was _not_ happy. "Hey! I was about to ravish you! Again!"

"I thought you wanted to go!"

"I changed my mind. _Now_ I want to ravish you."

"Steven, I have my own apartment now. You can ravish me all you want when we get back to Point Place," she offered, causing Hyde to grin in agreement.

Hyde watched as Jackie stripped off the wedding gown to change back into her devil costume and swallowed. He'd never felt so…so…

"Jackie, we're taking that wedding dress with us."

* * *

_10 minutes later…_

_Outside the Haunted Mansion_

Hyde was once again dressed as a pirate (much to Hyde's dismay), while Jackie was once again dressed as a hot devil (much to Hyde's delight) as they made their way to the deserted van.

"Looks like those idiots we call friends have yet to make it back," Hyde observed. "Maybe Kelso killed everyone with his sword…"

"Do you care?" Jackie asked in a tone that conveyed she did _not_ care.

"Nope."

Hyde glanced in the direction of the party next to the haunted mansion. "We never did make it to the party. Too late now. All the free booze is probably gone."

"Do you care?" Jackie asked again.

"Nope," he repeated. "The party we had back in the casket was way better than free booze."

Jackie smiled sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes at him. "Aww, Steven…"

Suddenly a loud ruckus came from the direction of the party. In the distance they heard, "KELSO! PUT YOUR SWORD AWAY BEFORE YOU KILL US ALL!"

"But Donna! I was making a 'Z' in the air! You know, for Zorro!" whined what was undeniably Kelso's voice. The gleam of a sword slashing through the air could then be seen.

"KELSO! IF YOU DON'T PUT DOWN THE SWORD I'M GONNA MAKE A 'Z' ON YOUR ASS!"

"Donna, I had no idea you were so kinky," they heard Fez inappropriately comment.

Hyde shook head. "Here comes the merry band of knuckleheads now," he commented to Jackie as Eric, Donna, Kelso, and Fez approached them.

"Well, if it isn't Ginger and Gilligan," Hyde greeted, pleased when his friends all looked startled to see him, "It seems you found Zorro and the Chiquita Banana."

"Hyde!" Eric called out with wide eyes. "Yeah, we found Kelso and Fez at the par…" He suddenly trailed off. "What are you and...uh…Jackie doing here?" He twitched slightly as if he was nervous. He then added, "And for the last time, I'm _the Professor._"

"What you do think we're doing here?" Jackie rudely responded. "We were waiting for you morons to show up so we can go home."

"Exactly." Hyde nodded his head in agreement. "And Forman, give it up. You're not the Professor. You gave up all rights to being the Professor when you ran from the haunted mansion like a pansy."

"I did not run like a pansy! Something poked my butt! I think it was a ghost—"

"Eric, please. We've been over this. It was not a ghost," Donna broke in, sounding exasperated, "and you _did_ run off like a pansy."

Eric eyebrows rose in shock. "Donna! I thought we agreed that it was just a momentary lapse in judgment on my part!"

Donna folded her arms. "Really? I thought we agreed you were being an ass again and that you should try harder to refrain from being an ass in the future."

"Yes, _but I'm telling you_, there was an evil presence poking my butt…"

Jackie and Hyde gave each other a knowing look. One that said, _"Man, our friends are morons."_

As Donna and Eric argued, Hyde turned his attention to another moronic friend. "Kelso, man, I'm surprised you haven't poked your eye out yet."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Kelso asked in genuine confusion. "I'll have you know I am perfectly capable of wielding a sword." Kelso then attempted to demonstrate his capability by slashing his sword about recklessly.

Fez dropped to the ground to avoid being sliced, his flowery headpiece bearing the brunt of Kelso's sword. "Bastard! That matched my flamenco dress! In my country we would take you out back and put you down like a rapid dog for this!"

Hyde had enough once the sword narrowly missed his ear. "KELSO! DROP THE SWORD!" he barked, frogging him on the arm.

"_Ow!_ Damn, Hyde, you're almost as violent as that zombie chick," he pouted, rubbing his arm.

"Serves you right, you _sonofabitch_. You almost killed me!" Fez yelled as he got back to his feet.

Kelso ignored Fez, a stupid grin appearing on his face. He eagerly turned to Hyde and Jackie. "Hey! You'll never guess what happened! I got kidnapped by the HOT zombie woman!" he announced proudly.

Hyde stared at him stoically, as if he'd never heard this information before. "Really?"

Kelso nodded in excitement. "Yeah, she pulled me out of that dark room, took my sword, and strapped me to another one of those gill-a-things—"

"Guillotine, Michael," Jackie corrected.

"Whatever, you know I'm not good with words," he dismissed. "Anyway, she strapped me down to one of those…_things_ and had her wicked way with me. And I think you all know what I mean when I say that, _right guys?_" He looked meaningfully at Hyde and Jackie.

They stared back at him with bored expressions.

"I'm talking about SEX! I had SEX with the zombie woman!" Kelso unnecessarily clarified.

Hyde remained non-pulsed. "Yeah, I got that, man."

Fez whined loudly. "Kelso, I already heard all your disturbing sex details. Must you continue to rub it in my face that you are getting sex while poor Fez gets none?" he lamented.

"Sorry, little buddy," Kelso said, putting a comforting hand on Fez's shoulder, "but Jackie and Hyde here have yet to hear about my latest sexual conquest. Who am I to deprive them of that pleasure?"

Jackie was quick to protest. "That's okay, Michael. I really have no interest in your sleazy sex life—"

"_Oh, you'll want to hear this,_" he cut off. "After the zombie woman stole my sword and tied me up, she threatened to stab me if I didn't do as I was told." He paused, a stupidly pleased expression on his face. "You know, it was kind of hard to get off on that gill-a-thing. Especially when that big knife thing was right above my head. But that just shows you how good I am…"

Kelso then went on to describe his disturbing encounter with such detail, it made Jackie gag…

"Michael! That's sick!"

It took Hyde a moment to realize his mouth was slightly open in shock and disgust. "That sounds…"

"Amazing! I know!" Kelso exclaimed enthusiastically.

Hyde shrugged. "I was going to say demented, but whatever works for you, man."

"Alas! If only I had a zombie woman who would tie me to a guillotine, force me into submission, and do sick and demented things to me," Fez sighed, a dreamy expression on his face.

Jackie looked between Kelso and Fez in alarm. "Steven, do we have to take them back to Point Place with us?" she asked quietly.

Hyde cocked his head to the side. "I do have the keys the van…"

As Jackie and Hyde considered leaving their friends behind, Eric and Donna ceased their arguing…

"Hyde, I see you got your sunglasses back," Eric commented. He gave Hyde a closer look. "You know, you look kind of like you got into a fight. Your pirate costume's all rumpled and haphazard-looking." His gaze trailed from Hyde to Jackie. "Jackie! You look kind of rumpled too. Your hair is…_not perfect._ You two didn't get into a fight, did you?"

"Yeah, Jackie doesn't look like she spent half the night staring into a mirror fixing her hair. In fact, her hair's all messed up," Donna observed, suspicion creeping into her voice.

"Donna, you're talking crazy," Jackie insisted, nervously fingering her hair. "I'm…trying something new. Yeah, _that's it._ The messed up look. I saw it in _Vogue_ last week!"

Hyde nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and I always look I got into a fight. Probably because I just did. Nothing new here."

Eric dramatically rubbed his chin. "Methinks their hiding something," he loudly whispered to Donna.

"Oh, their definitely hiding something," Donna agreed. She pointed towards Jackie. "Look! Jackie's not only uncharacteristically messy! She's all glow-y!" She paused in thought. "You know, you two look like you just had…OH MY GOD! YOU JUST HAD SEX!"

Hyde couldn't help but find Donna's loud exclamation annoying. "You might want to say that a bit louder," he remarked. "I don't think everyone back in Point Place heard you."

"Jackie and Hyde just had sex?" Kelso stupidly questioned. "With who?"

Donna rolled her eyes. "Each other, you moron."

"You mean Hyde got to do it with Jackie in that HOT devil costume? Damn! I wanted to do it with her in that costume!"

"No! This can't be happening!" cried an anguished Eric. "You said there was nothing between you two!"

Hyde shrugged. "Things change."

Eric continued to voice his dissent. "But can't you see it's a bad idea to renew your unholy alliance with THE DEVIL?"

Jackie shot him a deadly look. "Shut up Eric, or I'll beat you with my pitch fork!"

"And she would too," Hyde added, sounding pleased.

Eric shook his head in disgust as Fez morphed his face into and anguished expression. "Jackie, how could go you directly from me to Hyde?" Fez whined. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather be with me than Hyde? Because my pride can handle sloppy seconds…"

Jackie scrunched up her face. "_Eew._ Fez, no—"

"Of course she doesn't want to be with you, little buddy," Kelso butt in. "Jackie wants to be with a _real man._ Like me. What I don't understand is why she's with Hyde." He turned to address Jackie. "Jackie, since you look so HOT in that devil costume, I'm willing to overlook that you did it with Hyde if you let me do it with you in that costume…_Ow! Hyde! What'd you hit me for?_"

Hyde glared at him. "You stay away from her! The only person who is going do it with her in that costume is me!"

"Wait," Donna commanded, putting a stop to the bickering. She motioned between Jackie and Hyde. "Does this mean you two are back together?" she asked.

_Moment of truth…_

Hyde looked down to see Jackie looking up at him, biting her lip nervously. He sighed, swinging his arm around her. "Yep," he confirmed, winking at Jackie as she beamed at him.

Eric groaned in protest. "But she's _the devil._ Don't you know your fornicating with the devil?"

Hyde glowered at his fidgety friend. "So what? We got locked in a basement, got back together, and had sex," he said matter-of-factly. He gave Eric a meaningful look. "That's what happens when two people get locked in a basement all night because their _friends_ abandoned them to go to a party."

"We didn't abandon you!" Eric insisted. At Hyde's menacing stare, he instantly caved. "Well, uh, we kind of did. But we meant to come back for you! _Really._"

"Thanks, Forman. I'm really feeling the love," Hyde stated dryly.

"Really, Hyde, we did mean to come back and look for you," Donna chimed in guiltily, "but everything just seemed to go wrong…"

"Yes. I spent my whole evening chasing that little _sonofabitch_ who stole my candy," Fez bitterly griped.

"Yeah, Eric and I had to stop Fez from strangling him once he got his candy bag back," Donna added.

"That's because there was NO CANDY in my candy bag! It was no longer a candy bag! It was JUST A BAG!" Fez complained, waving around the empty bag with no candy. A hard look overtook his features. "If I see that candy-stealing bastard again, he will know the wrath of Fez!"

"Fez, he's just a kid," Donna pointed out.

"He stole my candy," Fez stated accusingly. "In my country, stealing candy is an adult crime. He better hope he never crosses paths with Fez again…"

"Man, you think you have problems," Kelso complained. "I was getting hot and heavy with the zombie woman at the party. We were just about to do it. You know, _for the second time_, when this guy dressed as Romeo came up and chased her away!" Kelso looked outraged at the memory. "And the party just went downhill from there," he continued, "That Romeo guy tried to grab my crouch _and_ some little kid kept throwing candy at me!"

"_Me too,_" Eric piped up in agreement. He received strange looks from the rest of the gang. "Not the guy grabbing my crouch problem," he instantly corrected, "The little kid throwing candy at me problem."

Fez looked indignant. "And did neither of you selfish bastards think about saving that candy?" he asked bitterly, glowering at his two friends. "That was MY candy that little _sonofabitch_ was throwing at you!"

Eric seemed taken aback. "Fez, I'm sorry—"

"It's too late," Fez snapped, turning his head away.

Kelso patted Fez on the shoulder. "C'mon little buddy—"

"I said it's TOO LATE! There is NO CANDY in the bag!"

Eric and Kelso instantly backed away from their pissed-off foreign friend.

Donna rolled her eyes. "See? You guys should be thankful you weren't at the party," she said to Hyde and Jackie.

"Yeah, I'd say Jackie and I made out better in the basement," Hyde commented. "Speaking of which…Kelso, Fez, how would you two feel about getting a good look at the inside of a coffin?"

As always, Kelso looked confused. "But I'm not dead yet," he stupidly pointed out, "…and I'm far too good-looking to die."

Hyde sighed. "Look, don't worry about it. You and Chiquita Banana just get in the van and wait for the rest of us."

"I'm a flamenco dancer," Fez corrected.

Hyde gave him a blank stare. "Does it matter? Either way you're dressed like a girl. Now _go get in the van._"

Fez bristled at the command but seemed to ponder it over. "I would like to go sit in the van," he admitted, "You have no idea how much my feet hurt after chasing that candy-stealing bastard all night in high-heels." He turned. "Let's go, Kelso."

"Hold on, man. Check this out. I just about mastered the 'Z' with my sword!" Kelso announced.

The rest of the gang quickly recognized the life-threatening nature of the situation…

"Man, listen to me when I say that's not a good idea—"

"Kelso, I meant it when I said I would put a 'Z' on your ass—"

"Ai! What do I have live for anyway? All my candy is gone—"

"Moron, you're going to poke your eye out—"

"Michael, I'll hit you with my pitchfork—"

Ignoring all protests, Kelso began carelessly swiping his sword through the air, causing the rest of the gang to duck and cover in fear for their lives…

"Man! Why doesn't anybody ever listen to me?"

"Kelso! I am so gonna put a 'Z' on your ass!"

"Ai! I want to live! I can always get more candy!"

"Moron! If you don't poke your eye out, I will!"

"Michael! I'm gonna hit you with my pitchfork!"

Kelso seemed blissfully ignorant to his friends' plight. "Guys, I know perfectly well how to handle a sword…OW! MY EYE!"

"I knew it was only a matter of time," Hyde remarked.

Fez shook his head. "Kelso, you ignorant fool," he chided. "C'mon, let's get you in the van where you can be contained."

"Dude, I'm BLIND! I'm REALLY blind this time!" Kelso whined as Fez guided him into the van…

"And we've now been left alone with the unholy alliance," Eric commented to Donna as he nodded towards Hyde and Jackie. "It's like Jackie is Darth Vader—"

"Eric, don't start on the _Star Wars_ analogies," Donna warned.

"But it's like she's trying to turn us all to the dark side—"

"Eric, did you forget what we talked about in the van? It's none of our business." Donna sounded peeved.

"You can't tell me you support this abomination?" Eric asked in an accusing manner.

"Actually, I do," she stated defiantly. Cutting off Eric's protest, "Can you honestly tell me that you don't think their good for each other? Don't you think they were both…less extreme when they were together?"

"I…" Eric seemed at a loss for words.

Donna regarded Eric with a smug expression.

Eric shook his head and pointed at Jackie. "Her demonic powers are affecting our ability to see reason!"

"Ugh! Enough of Eric's crazy talk! I'm ready to go!" Jackie exclaimed. "C'mon, Donna, let's get in the van. I'm freezing in this costume!"

Donna arched an eyebrow. "Why didn't you bring a coat since you were wearing such a revealing costume?"

"Because then there would be no point in wearing such a revealing costume in the first place!"

Donna rolled her eyes at the shorter girl as she followed her to the van.

"We're all doomed to the dark side," noted Eric.

Hyde ignored his fidgety friend as he watched Jackie and Donna retreat into the van. "By the way," he heard Donna address Jackie, "How come you're holding a wedding dress?"

Hyde smirked as he thought about the things he planned to do to Jackie in that wedding dress. _Soon._

"C'mon, Forman, time to get the hell back to Point Place—"

"Wait. Who's driving the van?" Eric suddenly asked, a note of alarm in his voice.

"Me."

Eric instantly expelled the breath he was holding. "Oh, thank God. I don't think I could take anymore of Jackie's satanic driving."

Hyde's eyes narrowed. "Forman, you need to lay off. She's my girlfriend. Nothing's going to change that."

"I know. I just wish she was less evil—"

"Can it, Forman," Hyde ordered, though he had a feeling his friend would not can it. He decided to change tactics. "So, you have fun playing with those _Star Wars_ figurines you sold the silverware for?" he asked casually.

Eric's eyes widened. "I-I…I have no idea what you're talking about…"

"Really? So I'm sure you won't mind if I ask Donna if you've gotten any new figurines recently?"

Eric gave up the act. "They're action figures. Not Figurines. _Action Figures._ And they were special edition, one of a kind—"

"Forman, save it for someone who actually cares. Like Donna."

Eric instantly began to twitch and fidget about. "Are you going tell Donna?" he asked in that panicky, girly voice of his.

"Not today." Hyde grinned evilly. "Probably not tomorrow. But I might someday. Unless, of course, you can offer me a good reason to keep my mouth shut. Like _you_ keeping your mouth shut about Jackie."

Eric glared at him. "How did you find out?"

"How do you think?" He motioned towards Jackie.

At that moment, Jackie came back out of the van and turned to them with one hand on her hip, the other aggressively brandishing her pitchfork. "Eric, stop chattering away like a girl and get your scrawny ass in the van," she commanded.

Her gaze shifted and softened as it landed on Hyde. "Baby, the sooner we leave, the sooner we get to Point Place and you can ravish me."

"Be right there, doll," Hyde called back.

Jackie smiled and winked in response, twirling her pitchfork girlishly.

Eric's expression turned grim. "She's the devil," he gravely pronounced.

"Yeah, she is the devil," Hyde agreed as if it was the best thing in the world.

Ignoring Eric's befuddled expression, he left to follow after _his_ devil…

_Fin_

* * *

A/N: Congratulations if you had the attention span to read through this entire story! Seriously, though, I want you to know I really appreciate it if you took the time to thoroughly read this. I hope you enjoyed it!

So…now you know. Jackie's the devil and her evil plan to bag Hyde worked. All is right in the world of _That '70s Show_!

Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated!


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